I'm gonna start off by saying that his one blog will most likely be more revealing about myself to the public then any other blog I've written. But then, at the same time, I don't know how many actually read this particular blog, so I could just be talking to about 2 or 3 of my friends who already know more than they would like to know about me. Ha ha ha. Well... anyways...
I'm sitting here at 2:06am thinking about the last three years. I know I know, thinking is a bad habit and I really shouldn't be doing that. Especially shouldn't be thinking if its in regards to the past. But you know what, I think it's important that you reflect every so often from where you came from and who you were and who you have become. Mistakes were made for learning purposes and I feel that this is a moment where I need to learn something.
So... quick run down of the last 3 years. Broken engagement. Broken heart (1). Swing dancing learned. Lost job. Found a passion (acting). Poor house. Repo. Crap jobs. New heart. Broken heart (2). New place. New job. Fixed heart. Amazing Job. Big money. Lied to. Broken heart (3). Great friends. Fun times. New York. No Job. Decent money. New Job? Big Move? Not happening. Fires. No Apartment. Good friends. Dead grandpa. PA and New York again.
Wow. Who knew I could sum up most of the major events in my life in one paragraph. Crazy! But ya. That's that. I'd like to think that I've become a pretty awesome person. Sure, I still have flaws, everyone does. But I've developed a more refined sense of responsibility and charisma that I didn't have before. My free spirited self is slowly coming back. I'm a bit more mature... a bit. Very slight. But I've learned about myself more through these situations and I know I can handle pretty much anything that comes my way. I have a strong personality, and even stronger family and friends to help me if I fall. I know what I want in life, and my patience has only grown by leaps and bounds at every fall back. I'll get to where I want to be in life, it'll take awhile I'm sure. But it'll happen. I'm thankful for everyone that has hurt me or done something to harm me in someway. If it wasn't for you morons, I wouldn't be as intelligent and aware of my own needs today. So thanks for being retards. *thumbs up*. And thanks to everyone who has helped me along the way. I couldn't have asked for better friends and family.
I honestly thought this would be a longer blog, but really, that's kinda all I wanted to say. I'm flying to PA and NY on Friday for 10 days, so I'll be taking loads of pictures while I'm there. Even though it's for a funeral, I still think it'll be fun with family.
Oh, and in an older entry in one of my personal writings I had decided that this time was my new year. So let the new year begin now! Whoo Hoo!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Twists and turns and loopee-loops
It's odd how the month of November, the month that contains my favorite holiday, almost always seems to be one of the toughest months to get threw for me. To document this month, I'm writing this blog... and making it public.
For starters, I had applied to a job at 2k Sports. They flew me up there, set me up in a hotel, with a rental car. It was great. I looked at potential places to move to up there. It was a big deal. I'd be leaving EVERYTHING I know to move up there. It wasn't until I looked at the first place that it all sunk in. That's when I did everything I knew to cheer myself up again; went to Toys R Us, Best Buy, an Arcade, and Taco Bell. It wasn't until after I heard this quote from Cast Away, "I just need to breath, cause tomorrow the sun will rise and you never know what the tide will bring" that I finally cheered up.
I get back from that trip, a few days later, find out I didn't get it. Okay, take a day to regroup and get my mind back on track. Everything's good again. In fact, I'm doing even better. I went, I saw, I left. It was great. I'm happy. Then the fires come. Within minutes, it's on top of everything around us. I grab what I can and bail. Everything from my sisters' and I's childhood and everything my parents own are nearly burned up. We were evacuated. My parents stayed with my uncle in Garden Grove, and I stayed with my good friend in Costa Mesa. It was a nervous 24 hours as we wait to see the damage of our beloved collection of memories. Luckily for us, only a kicked in front door and a ton of smoke had reached our apartment. Nothing lost. The apartment building outside my bedroom window was completely toast, as was everything directly on the other side of us. We were skipped by flames that should have wiped everything clean. But of course, some damage had made to it to the building. So rumor was that our building might get demo'd. Recently found out that there's a good strong possibility that it will not. Yay! So smiles back on, or still on, and no worries.
As soon as that news reaches us, more news comes in. My Grandfather (mom's dad) had a stroke. About 1 to 2 days later (today) we find out he is dead. The craziest thing about this is that I felt it before it happened. Before I got the call, all my energy went bad and sour. My mouth had a sudden bitter taste in it and I could just feel it. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just laid down. That's when I got a call that he had passed on. So... now what. I mean... he lived a good long life. And it's not like you ever really get to have a good good-bye to someone you love. But that doesn't change the fact that it's still hard to smile after that. I mean, with everything that has happened to my family as a whole, and myself, wouldn't it be a good time for a break? I'm still smiling. I feel like I kinda have to. Death isn't really my thing. I can only remember a couple of people who have ever really helped me deal with it, and unfortunately they can't really help me anymore. Plus, I don't think this is one of those moments where you would say, "Well, it's time to grow up and deal with it, it's life. You can't have your hand held forever." But when it comes to death, I think everyone needs to have their hand held. Or at the very least know that someone can hold their hand. (This is a metaphor for you retards out there.) I know I got plenty of friends who care and worry about me, it was quite obvious when the posiblity of me moving up north. Bah, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here. It's too emotional for me to really get in depth about. My initial response at this point in the blog is to say something funny and stupid. But... I honestly can't think of anything. *shrugs*
Keep smiling. Because everyone likes a smile, and its more contagious than a frown.
For starters, I had applied to a job at 2k Sports. They flew me up there, set me up in a hotel, with a rental car. It was great. I looked at potential places to move to up there. It was a big deal. I'd be leaving EVERYTHING I know to move up there. It wasn't until I looked at the first place that it all sunk in. That's when I did everything I knew to cheer myself up again; went to Toys R Us, Best Buy, an Arcade, and Taco Bell. It wasn't until after I heard this quote from Cast Away, "I just need to breath, cause tomorrow the sun will rise and you never know what the tide will bring" that I finally cheered up.
I get back from that trip, a few days later, find out I didn't get it. Okay, take a day to regroup and get my mind back on track. Everything's good again. In fact, I'm doing even better. I went, I saw, I left. It was great. I'm happy. Then the fires come. Within minutes, it's on top of everything around us. I grab what I can and bail. Everything from my sisters' and I's childhood and everything my parents own are nearly burned up. We were evacuated. My parents stayed with my uncle in Garden Grove, and I stayed with my good friend in Costa Mesa. It was a nervous 24 hours as we wait to see the damage of our beloved collection of memories. Luckily for us, only a kicked in front door and a ton of smoke had reached our apartment. Nothing lost. The apartment building outside my bedroom window was completely toast, as was everything directly on the other side of us. We were skipped by flames that should have wiped everything clean. But of course, some damage had made to it to the building. So rumor was that our building might get demo'd. Recently found out that there's a good strong possibility that it will not. Yay! So smiles back on, or still on, and no worries.
As soon as that news reaches us, more news comes in. My Grandfather (mom's dad) had a stroke. About 1 to 2 days later (today) we find out he is dead. The craziest thing about this is that I felt it before it happened. Before I got the call, all my energy went bad and sour. My mouth had a sudden bitter taste in it and I could just feel it. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just laid down. That's when I got a call that he had passed on. So... now what. I mean... he lived a good long life. And it's not like you ever really get to have a good good-bye to someone you love. But that doesn't change the fact that it's still hard to smile after that. I mean, with everything that has happened to my family as a whole, and myself, wouldn't it be a good time for a break? I'm still smiling. I feel like I kinda have to. Death isn't really my thing. I can only remember a couple of people who have ever really helped me deal with it, and unfortunately they can't really help me anymore. Plus, I don't think this is one of those moments where you would say, "Well, it's time to grow up and deal with it, it's life. You can't have your hand held forever." But when it comes to death, I think everyone needs to have their hand held. Or at the very least know that someone can hold their hand. (This is a metaphor for you retards out there.) I know I got plenty of friends who care and worry about me, it was quite obvious when the posiblity of me moving up north. Bah, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here. It's too emotional for me to really get in depth about. My initial response at this point in the blog is to say something funny and stupid. But... I honestly can't think of anything. *shrugs*
Keep smiling. Because everyone likes a smile, and its more contagious than a frown.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Fire, the Wii, and being Naked
As most of you know already there is/was a fire burning in Anaheim Hill.s They showed the Cascade Apartments on channel 4 news going up in flames. What most of you DON'T know is that I live... lived? there. My parents too. If you know me, you know how excited I get about certain stories so imagine my hands waving around like a mad magician as I explain this.
It was insane! There I was just sitting in the front of the computer playing a game, as usual. MY dad is doing something in the other room, and my sister was on the couch. We had just heard that the fire was going north, and it was on the other side of the freeway. Then all of a sudden there was a pounding on the door (this sounds like a really cheesy grade school story... hahaha) Fire Marshal yells, "Everyone out NOW!". At that moment you don't really have time to think, you just act. It's in these moments that you realize what's important to you, in the way of personal belongings. Luckily for me most of my stuff is already in storage from a previous move. However, all my clothes are at the house. My parents on the other hand have EVERYTHING in my whole that our family has ever owned there at the house and in the garage. When I heard the yell to leave, I grabbed... you ready for this?? Classic Matt right here... my computer tower (cause of all the pictures and information I have) my nintendo wii and gamecube (that's a lot of money people, too expensive to replace in my opinion) and an extra set of clothes. I immediatly thought about what was pershiable and what would cost too much to replace. Luckily I also had a face mask under the bathroom sink that I put on. Good thing too, cause as I grabbed my personal belongings and ran out the house with my dad and sister, I saw a tree on fire. A tree on fire that was exactly 3 doors down. The fire was moving fast. I ran to my car, sister to hers and dad to his and we bailed. The smoke was so bad you could barely see anything at all my nose was burning for hours after and my sister kept coughing for a few hours as well. All of our cars smell like a chain smoker. We went to my Uncle Guy's house afterwards to watch as the apartments had their funeral. Now according to my parents this morning who drove down to ashes, our apartment didn't go up in flames, most everything around us did. The firefighters are still there though so we are not able to get in at the moment. Hopefully the fire doesn't gain control again. I have a couple of pictures, and I'm sure more to come.
Once I got to my uncle's house, my sister and I couldn't stop cracking jokes. It was possible that my parents and I wouldn't have had any clothes, but my sister's work clothes were there! OH NO! ha ha ha ha. Ahhh.. good times indeed.
So ya, that's about it. Oh, and if you didn't already know (cause I didn't really tell anyone) I didn't get the job up north, I'm not moving out of Orange County, and I'm still fun employed! Whoo HOO! Life is pretty groovy!
Always smiling again
-Mr. J
It was insane! There I was just sitting in the front of the computer playing a game, as usual. MY dad is doing something in the other room, and my sister was on the couch. We had just heard that the fire was going north, and it was on the other side of the freeway. Then all of a sudden there was a pounding on the door (this sounds like a really cheesy grade school story... hahaha) Fire Marshal yells, "Everyone out NOW!". At that moment you don't really have time to think, you just act. It's in these moments that you realize what's important to you, in the way of personal belongings. Luckily for me most of my stuff is already in storage from a previous move. However, all my clothes are at the house. My parents on the other hand have EVERYTHING in my whole that our family has ever owned there at the house and in the garage. When I heard the yell to leave, I grabbed... you ready for this?? Classic Matt right here... my computer tower (cause of all the pictures and information I have) my nintendo wii and gamecube (that's a lot of money people, too expensive to replace in my opinion) and an extra set of clothes. I immediatly thought about what was pershiable and what would cost too much to replace. Luckily I also had a face mask under the bathroom sink that I put on. Good thing too, cause as I grabbed my personal belongings and ran out the house with my dad and sister, I saw a tree on fire. A tree on fire that was exactly 3 doors down. The fire was moving fast. I ran to my car, sister to hers and dad to his and we bailed. The smoke was so bad you could barely see anything at all my nose was burning for hours after and my sister kept coughing for a few hours as well. All of our cars smell like a chain smoker. We went to my Uncle Guy's house afterwards to watch as the apartments had their funeral. Now according to my parents this morning who drove down to ashes, our apartment didn't go up in flames, most everything around us did. The firefighters are still there though so we are not able to get in at the moment. Hopefully the fire doesn't gain control again. I have a couple of pictures, and I'm sure more to come.
Once I got to my uncle's house, my sister and I couldn't stop cracking jokes. It was possible that my parents and I wouldn't have had any clothes, but my sister's work clothes were there! OH NO! ha ha ha ha. Ahhh.. good times indeed.
So ya, that's about it. Oh, and if you didn't already know (cause I didn't really tell anyone) I didn't get the job up north, I'm not moving out of Orange County, and I'm still fun employed! Whoo HOO! Life is pretty groovy!
Always smiling again
-Mr. J
Friday, November 14, 2008
The clubing experience...
I think that everyone at some point in their life needs to go to club and just watch people. It becomes quite disturbing. There's a lot of consistencies amongst club goers. I recently was at Bobby McGee's last night, sitting with my friend while he DJ'd. I got to watch two groups of people express tons of attitude; a fraternity and a sorority. Now don't get me wrong, as a guy I can appreciate the "eye candy" of many of these women who dress up and try and look their best. Of course, for some, their best is looking like a whore. But that's a whole other blog/rant.
Let me just dive right in, there is always at least one of these types of guys on the dance floor; a douchebag, a guy who has some personal emotional issues (x girlfriend or some such nonsense), a guy who thinks he's the best dancer ever, and a guy who should have stopped drinking after the first sip of alcohol.
There were so many douchefags... yes... doucheFags, that it was just unbearable to watch. And for the most part, when it comes to guys dancing to rap/hip hop/r&b, it's the same lame two step swaying crap. What made me laugh so hard was watching these guys, partially unbuttoned shirt and sweat dripping off their head, grinding on some gorgeous girl in a short skirt. What was funny was his face and how he thought he was "the greatest of all time" and that he was "totally gonna get laid" that night. But her face on the other hand, you could just tell she was trying to figure out a way to get away from the guy. Not to mention that the guy was totally going to a beat of his own creation, not even remotely close to the drum and base of the current song. Almost every chick there had a face on that screamed "Leave me alone!" So much disgust on their faces. And most of the guys just had that cocky, I'm a great dancer, over confidence, smug face that you just wanted to back hand so badly and yell at them "No! No, you suck at dancing and you are so much of a douche that you can't even see past you're own self righteous attitude to realize that everyone just tolerates you."
It was disturbing and funny all at the same time. Also, most of the women there, as "hot" as they were, really should have just stayed sitting, or standing somewhere. I swear, so many white people dancing is dangerous to society. Oh sure, some chicks can dance, and a few white guys can too. But really... at a club setting, almost nobody can dance. I know they are all having fun, but wow. I strongly believe that the dj and whoever else has to sit and semi-watch this crap most defiantly needs to be drinking. Aside from the disturbing acts of fully clothed college children grinding, it was awesome to be there. The music and dj skills were in top form last night, and it was really impressive.
On a side note, I must apologize. Apparently I've woken up on the wrong side of the bed... which is odd cause there is only one side to wake up on (the bed is up against the wall). I'm sure I'll re-read this blog later and be slightly surprised at my own "grumpiness". *shrug* I'll go to toys r' us and gamestop and then I'll be happier. Oooooo Taco Bell.... *drool*
Note:
Isn't it kinda odd that a college club for just men has the letters in it to make fart? Fraternity.... Farternity. That's like eternity and fart put together. Faring for eternity. HAHAHAHA.
...
....
.....
......
I need help.
Let me just dive right in, there is always at least one of these types of guys on the dance floor; a douchebag, a guy who has some personal emotional issues (x girlfriend or some such nonsense), a guy who thinks he's the best dancer ever, and a guy who should have stopped drinking after the first sip of alcohol.
There were so many douchefags... yes... doucheFags, that it was just unbearable to watch. And for the most part, when it comes to guys dancing to rap/hip hop/r&b, it's the same lame two step swaying crap. What made me laugh so hard was watching these guys, partially unbuttoned shirt and sweat dripping off their head, grinding on some gorgeous girl in a short skirt. What was funny was his face and how he thought he was "the greatest of all time" and that he was "totally gonna get laid" that night. But her face on the other hand, you could just tell she was trying to figure out a way to get away from the guy. Not to mention that the guy was totally going to a beat of his own creation, not even remotely close to the drum and base of the current song. Almost every chick there had a face on that screamed "Leave me alone!" So much disgust on their faces. And most of the guys just had that cocky, I'm a great dancer, over confidence, smug face that you just wanted to back hand so badly and yell at them "No! No, you suck at dancing and you are so much of a douche that you can't even see past you're own self righteous attitude to realize that everyone just tolerates you."
It was disturbing and funny all at the same time. Also, most of the women there, as "hot" as they were, really should have just stayed sitting, or standing somewhere. I swear, so many white people dancing is dangerous to society. Oh sure, some chicks can dance, and a few white guys can too. But really... at a club setting, almost nobody can dance. I know they are all having fun, but wow. I strongly believe that the dj and whoever else has to sit and semi-watch this crap most defiantly needs to be drinking. Aside from the disturbing acts of fully clothed college children grinding, it was awesome to be there. The music and dj skills were in top form last night, and it was really impressive.
On a side note, I must apologize. Apparently I've woken up on the wrong side of the bed... which is odd cause there is only one side to wake up on (the bed is up against the wall). I'm sure I'll re-read this blog later and be slightly surprised at my own "grumpiness". *shrug* I'll go to toys r' us and gamestop and then I'll be happier. Oooooo Taco Bell.... *drool*
Note:
Isn't it kinda odd that a college club for just men has the letters in it to make fart? Fraternity.... Farternity. That's like eternity and fart put together. Faring for eternity. HAHAHAHA.
...
....
.....
......
I need help.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Yes, I AM a bit psycotic....
With the new election finally coming to a wrap, I felt that this would be a great time to blog about my conspiracy theories. But I must warn you, that there's a chance that I will die tomorrow and my very existence will be erased. Just saying.
Now for starters, I didn't vote. I don't care. Ya ya ya, save all your hate and loss of respect for me till the end of this little blog. I understand that we have a right to vote and other countries don't. The best thing about that is that I have a right to vote, or not vote. Yay me! And I know that those who can't vote would be angry to know that I didn't. I'm sure they would actually be MORE angry at other things that I did or didn't do then just not voting.
Now then... my conspiracy theory. I guess it's not really a conspiracy theory, but just a thought process I believe to be true. That's a theory isn't it? Whatever. I believe that it doesn't matter what I do, or you do, or anyone else does, what happens in this country is controlled by someone with a crap ton of money. The President gets paid 250k a year. You think that's true? Does he REALLY get only 250k a year? No. Think about it. Think about how much land they end up owning and all the trips they get to go on. They take kickbacks. Tons of kick backs. As soon as a politician doesn't want to cooperate they get some crazy crap blamed on them, or just assassinated. A couple of presidents had some near misses with a bullet and that was just a scare tactic to get them to do something that the "rich man" wants. Good people die so bad people can be in powerful positions to help the greedy get more out of life. Cause apparently it IS true, the one with the most toys wins. I'm pretty close, I have a lot of kid's meal toys from back in the day.
I think most of the country is controlled by the big boys in the oil companies. AND it's only one company, or a few men who own that. As soon as gas is investigated, people are payed and small time people are knocked off and buried in the desert. Any kind of speculation into a major company that controls the life blood of the American populous is easily covered by some other major incident. If it gets past the major incident on T.V. then who ever is investigating is payed. If they don't take it, they are killed. The best controlled device is the Media. News is not objective on anything. How much bad news is reported on the news opposed to good news? It's a very low ratio. Why? Because if everyone kept hearing about how great life was for other people or all the great things that are happening in other people's lives then we would start to get depressed as a society. We would start to become envious and jealous of those people and think about how crappy our lives are compared to theirs. But when we see bad things happen to other people we can rest assured, "well at least that's not me". Interesting huh? I learned that in a psychology class once. Ya I know, I learned something in college, weird.
Basically, my point is, that who ever has the most money wins. If they want someone as president bad enough or in the senate or some other powerful position, then they will pay as much money as possible to doctor the votes and other stuff. With Bush and Florida someone wasn't payed off for it work correctly without someone noticing.
My prediction for this new guy? He's gonna get shot. Not by me of course, I couldn't kill anything. But he will. Then it will slowly tear this country apart. Think about it. A black man getting killed, or a muslim getting killed. There will be so much hate in this country it's gonna explode on our own turf.
Everyone rips on Canada. But think about this, when did they last have a war to go to? I'm just saying. Medical care for everyone sounds pretty tempting right about now.
So am I really crazy? Or does any of what I just said make sense? I think it makes sense. Don't agree with me? Then say so. It's open for discusion. I'm pretty sure this is all true. I'll let you know when I get really rich and powerful. The only problem with that idea is that wealth and power corrupt even the most pure of heart. Blech, too poetic for me. So I figure if I'm just a bit crazy, a little off kilter, then I can play the game without falling into the rabbit hole too far.
Now for starters, I didn't vote. I don't care. Ya ya ya, save all your hate and loss of respect for me till the end of this little blog. I understand that we have a right to vote and other countries don't. The best thing about that is that I have a right to vote, or not vote. Yay me! And I know that those who can't vote would be angry to know that I didn't. I'm sure they would actually be MORE angry at other things that I did or didn't do then just not voting.
Now then... my conspiracy theory. I guess it's not really a conspiracy theory, but just a thought process I believe to be true. That's a theory isn't it? Whatever. I believe that it doesn't matter what I do, or you do, or anyone else does, what happens in this country is controlled by someone with a crap ton of money. The President gets paid 250k a year. You think that's true? Does he REALLY get only 250k a year? No. Think about it. Think about how much land they end up owning and all the trips they get to go on. They take kickbacks. Tons of kick backs. As soon as a politician doesn't want to cooperate they get some crazy crap blamed on them, or just assassinated. A couple of presidents had some near misses with a bullet and that was just a scare tactic to get them to do something that the "rich man" wants. Good people die so bad people can be in powerful positions to help the greedy get more out of life. Cause apparently it IS true, the one with the most toys wins. I'm pretty close, I have a lot of kid's meal toys from back in the day.
I think most of the country is controlled by the big boys in the oil companies. AND it's only one company, or a few men who own that. As soon as gas is investigated, people are payed and small time people are knocked off and buried in the desert. Any kind of speculation into a major company that controls the life blood of the American populous is easily covered by some other major incident. If it gets past the major incident on T.V. then who ever is investigating is payed. If they don't take it, they are killed. The best controlled device is the Media. News is not objective on anything. How much bad news is reported on the news opposed to good news? It's a very low ratio. Why? Because if everyone kept hearing about how great life was for other people or all the great things that are happening in other people's lives then we would start to get depressed as a society. We would start to become envious and jealous of those people and think about how crappy our lives are compared to theirs. But when we see bad things happen to other people we can rest assured, "well at least that's not me". Interesting huh? I learned that in a psychology class once. Ya I know, I learned something in college, weird.
Basically, my point is, that who ever has the most money wins. If they want someone as president bad enough or in the senate or some other powerful position, then they will pay as much money as possible to doctor the votes and other stuff. With Bush and Florida someone wasn't payed off for it work correctly without someone noticing.
My prediction for this new guy? He's gonna get shot. Not by me of course, I couldn't kill anything. But he will. Then it will slowly tear this country apart. Think about it. A black man getting killed, or a muslim getting killed. There will be so much hate in this country it's gonna explode on our own turf.
Everyone rips on Canada. But think about this, when did they last have a war to go to? I'm just saying. Medical care for everyone sounds pretty tempting right about now.
So am I really crazy? Or does any of what I just said make sense? I think it makes sense. Don't agree with me? Then say so. It's open for discusion. I'm pretty sure this is all true. I'll let you know when I get really rich and powerful. The only problem with that idea is that wealth and power corrupt even the most pure of heart. Blech, too poetic for me. So I figure if I'm just a bit crazy, a little off kilter, then I can play the game without falling into the rabbit hole too far.
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