End of the Year Wrap Up

Please allow me to start off by talking directly to this year.

Mr. 2011:

You sir, are a jerk. A very oddly craptacular year. I feel that this year, unlike previous years before you, had been an unconditional violent love. You greeted me a few months into the year with a Louisville Slugger Baseball Bat, to the back of the head and proceeded to break my legs all while saying "it's for your own good".  I'm pretty sure that explains everything in a nutshell. And for that moment, I'm thankful. I hate you, but I'm still thankful. 

This year has been a whirlwind of events for me. For those of you who already knew me, you've most likely seen the major changes I've made and strides I've done to better myself. For those of you have gotten to know me over the past several months, I'm lucky to have you in my life. 

I really feel that this year needed to be over a long time ago, but that could have been due to my own impatience. Overall, I'm glad it didn't end. A good chunk of this year really sucked. I mean it was not even craptacular, it was just crap. Lots of headaches and struggling to find who I am, and where I'm going. 

I'm very proud to annouce that this next year is definitely a new year. A new year in more ways than before. I know I know, you can always start a new year whenever you want. You can start new hobbies, thought processes, ect ect. But it most definitely helps to have a solid starting point as 1/1/insert year.

I got goals my friends. Big plans. Lots of things that go into many aspects of my life. I'll be writting an entry in my regular blog for goals either today or tomorrow. This coming year is going to be an Epically Awesome year. I can feel it.

My toast to you; my friends and family, all of you who I hold so dear and respect so much, Thank you. Thank you for the time you've spent with me, the advice you've given me, and the extreme patience you've had with me. I pray that this coming year be a year of trials, hardships. Yes, you read that right. I want the best for all of you. I want you to gain strength and knowledge. I want positive growth and pure happiness to well up inside you as you see where you've been and where you are now. I want positivity to flourish in your everyday life from the superhero like strength you gained from the turmoil you faced. My friends, you are all incredible in you're own specific way, and I only want this year to be one of increased blessings and awesomeness for all of you. I would not be the person I am today, if I had not encountered this year with your guidance and help. Again, I'm eternally grateful. Tonight, I have a single drink for all of you, wherever you are, Thank You. 

Good bye 2011, thanks for breaking my legs and making me re-learn how to walk.

Oh, and if you didn't like my toast, then this one works too.

‎"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." -Neil Gaiman

-Me

Killing Romance

This particular blog title could be interpreted a couple of ways. I could be describing how to kill romance, or I could be going on about romance that kills.  I haven't quite figured out which yet. Personally, I think this might just be me describing what I feel romance is and how it might be a complete myth made up of half a life time of movies and television.

Romance, by dictionary.com is defined as:

1. A novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc., usually in a historical or imaginary setting. 
2. the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales. 
3. a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in some Romance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, or supernatural events, often in the form of allegory. 
4. a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention. 
5. a romantic spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.

I almost feel like I don't need to go on after reading the definition. "fanciful", "exaggeration", "imaginary setting"; those all seem like a solid basis to go off when saying that romance never existed to begin with. But, there's a small piece of me that believes it's not any of those. That it IS real. As ridiculous as it may sound, me being a guy and all (I highly doubt any other guy would admit to this) but with the child like hope that I still hold on to at the young spry age of 31 (32 in a month), I believe that Prince Charming DID wake up Snow White, that the Prince DID find the right woman for the glass shoe, and all those other fantasy stories about the guy getting the girl and sweeping her off her feet.

Okay okay wait, that was over the top. Those stories are WAY over the top. That can't happen today, right? Well, technically I think it does. I think it still can. I think it's very incredibly possible for it to continue on today. Hearing stories of friends and family getting married and how they proposed to the other. I have some great guy friends who really brought it, I mean, they went all out to have a surprise and do it right. Best part is, that it was a surprise and the woman never even saw it coming.  But it's always the guy putting on the romance. Sure there's PLENTY of moments that I've heard of a woman putting it all out there for the guy. I've had the great luck of actually experiencing it once or twice. It's because of my small amount of experience on this subject that it's difficult for me to believe that it actually exists. Or it could be that it's difficult to surprise me because I'm always paying attention to the smallest amount of changes that go on around me.

I have always had huge grandiose ideas, (did I use that word right? bah, whatever). I've got extravagant ideas, events, settings, theories, and small presentations that go on inside this creative brain of mine. I also have what I've thought to be a perfect date, that I have yet to bestow on anyone.  I have ideas that involve a plan, a map and a few extra people to help plan it out. I have no idea where these ideas come from. Most likely my creativity and the fact that my brain has been dowsed in various movies with romantic undertones.

You know what got me the other day? Watching a total guy movie, action and violence, and then, then... ready for this... the guy pushes the girl to the side, to protect her mind you, and then gently and passionately kisses her. Sure, we see that all the time, but what got to me was how the lighting came down to almost a focus on them, and everything around them, except them, went into slow motion. That... that right there, (pointing at the screen), BAM, I mean... ya. That. Of course after they stopped kissing, he turned around and beat the hell out of a some bad guy, and then she was in two kinds of shock, one from the kiss and one of a brutal murder. But I want to focus on that kiss. I know you know what I'm talking about. Many of you married people get it, and maybe a few of you single people do. It's that type of kiss that just sucks the air right out of the room.  Maybe there's fireworks, but I think this one is different. This is one of those moments where nothing else existed, life... life just... stopped. Breathtaking.

Time is relative. I think that is great proof of it.

I've gotten a little off track with where I was going, so you'll have to forgive me for backtracking a bit. I've written many times before on what I think a healthy relationship is. This part is not to be taken lightly or disregarded. I think passion and romance is almost one in the same thing. I think it's incredibly important to have the same passion you would for a favorite hobby or sport, as you would for a romantic interest. More so actually. I believe, and hope, that when there is some real fire in your heart, that just looking at the other person makes it burn hotter and brighter. Now please, don't take it as a sexual thing, cause that's not at all what I'm talking about here. If I was, I would have said a fire in your pants, but I didn't, I said your heart. The heart is the key to all of this. To feel that undying flame inside your chest and just to feel over joyed and excited when they look at you, smile, or whatever else drives you, that's probably one of the greatest feelings.

I think that when two people, find each other, with that same level of passion, the romance between them is epic... no... legendary. Ya..... legendary. HA! I think I just like saying that word... legendary.  Seriously though, could you imagine what would happen? Yikes.

I really shouldn't be writing at 3:30am, my writing is all over the place and I can NOT able to stay on track to save my life.

My point that I've been trying to make is that I want romance, and passion, and I want it to be shared with me, instead of me always trying to, or for the most part, wanting to share it with someone else. I'd like to experience what others have experienced and would like to know that it's not completely dead and only one gender sided. I've only heard of it, or, well.. I have seen it, but maybe not as often as I would have liked to completely fulfill this odd need of mine.

Okay okay... that's it. No more. I don't even know what I've been typing anymore, I just know that insomnia sucks and not being tired tends to lead to some interesting brain activity. Sigh, I hope this blog didn't suck. I'll re-read it tomorrow.