Nothing...

I wanted to write last week, but unfortunately I couldn't come up with a good general topic to write about. Hopefully this week will be calmer for me to have something to bring up and talk about in a general way. I have another blog however that I'm writing in that is a bit... well. way more personal if you want read that.
-this guy.

Metaphorical Balance

I've discovered just how important balance is in one's life. Sure, it seems like a pretty basic idea and concept, but think about it for a second. I'm not talking about regular patterns. A regular pattern can cause a something of a "rut" or cause some unrest and problems. I'm actually talking about total and utter balance.

Think about the ying yang sign. A constant balance of dark and light, good and evil, ect ect ect, blah blah blah. It's kinda like that. What I'm refering to is a balance of the mind, body and soul; mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. Habits, not patterns, can help keep a solid balance in check. 

I'm fully aware that on occasion when I write, I tend to use words that other people might have their own definition of, and by own definition I mean, their own personal meaning of it. So, let me explain what I mean between habits and patterns. Habits would be exercising (running, lifting weights, ect), or a regular hobby (social dancing, building or fixing things, learning something new). Patterns would be having a regular routine in which all of those things go in a specific order day in and day out. For me, as an example, I was running every morning, and dancing every night. With the additive of work and moving, my pattern was thrown off, and attempting to find time a proper schedule to keep my hobbies in line, has caused me to feel unbalanced. It had a snowball effect. By not running, I wasn't having my spiritual and emotional time to unwind and prepare for the day, causing me to feel a bit out of sorts as I dealt with mental concepts from work and such; as well as my physical self was creating more energy than it knew what to do with causing a bit more anxiety and pressure in other areas of my life. 

Through all of this, I've realized how important it is to have a proper balance, much like cereal commercial, it's part of a well balanced diet to keep everything juggled properly. 

I really wanted to write a lot more on this subject, but quite honestly, it's pretty cut and dry and there really isn't much else I can add to it without making it sound way more personal that I want this blog to become. So for those of you who might read this, add some insight. I'd love to hear it.

Brain Leakage from another blog.

Over the past several weeks, many things have been abundantly clear to me, or at least made clear through many various things. My own personal validation and humbling experiences and how important it is to hold on to and not forget about. Secondly, a lot of my thought patterns in regards to relationships, my past, and romance in general, as well as my view on sex, or sexual content in a relationship. Lastly, it's SO important to have balance. I mean,... seriously. Important. So where do I start?

Personal Validation
I believe I've already talked about this. But the value of having accomplishments and goals and motivation has always fallen short with me. I always belittled myself and anything I've done. I've never owned anything as my own, and quite honestly any confidence you saw as a friend or lover or whatever you were, well, that was fake confidence. I never truly had it. Sure, I came across cocky, arrogant and sometimes just way to full of hot air, but that should only be proof of my incredible acting skills, no? Just start at the beginning of this blog! Or heck, look at some of my old writings on my old blog ( ). Sometimes it was genuine I'm sure, but all in all, it wasn't there. It was pathetic and sad. And really, whereas I might have tried to get some kind of self-confidence security from a friend, a family member, or most of the time from a girlfriend, it all came down to myself and my own inabilities to recognize my "potential?" I don't know if that's the right word for it, but it fits, so I'll go with it. As I've gone on this journey of depression and self-actualization, I've most definitely grown and gained my own source of strength through various small goals and medium sized goals on my way to becoming a fully grown confident mentally and emotionally healthy adult. Not really mature 100% of course (I still have way more boxes of toys than dishes and clothes, but I'm close at least)

The final piece, I think, was the job. I had been missing that for quite some time. As I came into my own self-awareness and learned about my faults, my insecurities, and fears and whathaveyou, I felt this increasing feeling of a work ethic. It became more and more important to me to work and to strive for something. It's most definitely new ground for me. Wait, don't get me wrong. I've worked before, and when I do, and I'm on the job, I really do work hard and want to get it done as fast and effeceintly as possible. Problem is, I get bored after I finish a job, or I might finish it WAY too quickly in which case I've put myself out of a job. Regardless, the point is that I've had a work ethic that was strong, just not the motivation to go find a place to use it. The past several months have helped to strengthen that drive and to teach me just how important it is to have money, friends and family in my life. How those connections can help in so many various ways.

Oh, and I know I'm missing out a HUGE part of all of this. Many friends might not be of a christian belief, and that's cool. For me though, I gotta say that all of this, the very roof over my head, to the awesome little dog sitting on my lap right now (my friend's dog) is a total gift from God. The job, the family, the friends, the experiences, all of it. I mean, wow, really? I can't tell you how many times I have told God thank you and how many more times I'll keep doing it. I can recall various moments in my past where I had been so overjoyed with happiness and thankfulness. I mean, it's a little old news now, but when I had met my last x, there were so many times driving home that I had just laughed and screamed out of happiness and thankfulness for her. But I digress. The main thing to take away from this is that a job is quite important, but doesn't make you who you are. What makes you important is how you feel about yourself. Sure, a job does help, but what it comes down to is being able to accept yourself for your faults and issues and problems and fixing those emotional, mental, or spiritual blockades in a healthy permanent fashion. I'd add physical blockades, but if you fix the other problems first, that one goes with it. It's truly and eye opening experiences.

Relational Catastrophic Metamorphosis
So many things have added a new perspective to my almost permanently and slightly jaded view on relationships as a whole. I can start from my 3rd party view of how couples should be interacting and the honesty and integrity that is involved in it. I could also add in the importance of how a man should treat his woman, and how he should respond to certain situations, as well as how he should handle himself as an individual and as a spouse. I could go into how a female should do the same as well, or the subject matter of how she would handle herself and interact with the husband. I could go into great lengths on the importance of understanding and compassion and communication needed between two people. Maybe I would start with many of personal opinions about what I might want or do want, or feel I deserve and need. I could write a novel on it actually. I've been hanging out with a lot of female friends and married couples lately. To be completely honest, it's added so much insight and perspective that I feel my brain might implode on itself. I'm gonna start there.
The thing is, sometimes we need a reminder as to why a relationship is even important. I've been super incredibly stubborn about dating as a whole, and even still, after all of this thinking and pondering and analyzing, I really still don't want to date at all. However, as many people will be happy to hear, I'm not completely prone to being turned off by the possibility. Let me get back to my point. Getting the compliments, hearing the love from others, and really just feeling the love and affection coming from, well, another female... well it reminded me of something. Keep in mind it's all been platonic and just being awesome friends, but feeling that warmth, it reminded me of something I actually missed that I had forgotten about. When you don't date, don't go out and don't get any kind of... ANY kind of physical affection or love from another person, you forget what you are missing. I mean, ya... sometimes you'll see a couple kiss, or hug or whatever, but it's not quite the same as having that particular hug that says thanks, or just kinda hits that emotional level at your core...... sigh.... can I sound cheesy or what? I'm sure I could add more sap to that sappiness, but let's just stop there ya? I'm hoping you get what I'm talking about. It's absolutely not a sexual thing mind you, it's a deeper feeling than some purely physical interaction between a man and a woman. Its been moments like that; moments that have reminded me and defined the reasons for wanting a relationship. I'm sure I still have some baggage and issues to move past before I can overcome my total stubbornness and lack of "want", but it's a start for those who are cheering for me, so just take what you can get.
Watching and observing female friends, couples and their interactions with each other, it's been inspiring. I almost want to write a list of things I want. But I'm afraid that by writing that list I might be dooming myself to a life of complete singularity as it would be pretty specific and might only add to my level of stubbornness. All in all, it's been a very interesting 2 weeks. I'm sure I'll add more to this subject later, but for now, I think that's a big thing.


There's one last subject I want to talk about, but I'm still processing it and feel it'll be best suited to be written near the end of the week

More Insight from a 3rd Party into Healthy Relationships

The following is an excerpt from one of my many blogs. I felt it was something I should share with everyone, a little bit more insight into me... enjoy.

So, over the course of the last several months, I've been making mental lists, as well as probably a few written ones, as to what I need, want and require from a relationship. Now let me clarify something, for starters I'm going to refer to this whole subject in general terms, or at least try to, without making references to any one individual. Furthermore, I've already known what the difference is between need and want, and don't feel I need to go into too many specifics about either one, and only want to touch on a couple of the topics under that subject of need and want. On with the show...

I want someone who is secure in themselves. Better yet, I require it. I, in no way, want to sound conceited at all, and of course still realize that I'm growing and learning, and will never stop. But, I will say that if I'm going to be strong for myself, and secure in who I am in my beliefs and self-aware of my problems and issues, then I need someone who is in that place as well; someone who knows what their issues are, what their problems are, where they need to be watchful of with their habits. I'm not about to get into a relationship with someone who can't communicate properly with me about a problem they have about a habit or a choice I made. It's as simple as being a mature, reasonable adult who can recognize their own personal issues, as well as be understanding to their loved one in regards to their personal issues.  I have plenty of healthy awesome couples to pull from as examples if this idea baffles you. But it's true. It's possible. I've always known it was possible, but I also feel that at the very least ONE person has to be able to be strong enough to identify the concept and utilize it in a healthy way.

Secondly, I require passion. Passion is a wild word. It's different to so many people. And to be perfectly blunt, most people would relate the word passion in regards to a relationship, to mean sex, or "sexy time". But that's not the case here. When I use passion it simply means being able to express a love or desire for something or someone in a completely unhindered and unrestricted fashion. That's what I'm talking about. To me, passion can be expressed in numerous ways. For instance, one example could be if the man got up early and got his wife gas for her car before she was awake, making sure she didn't have to do it later. That's a small form of passion, to me at least, that shows his love for her. Doing things without being told. And something that also falls under that, that speaks to me on loud levels, is simple hugs and kisses. Just walking over and giving me a hug, randomly, for no reason, but just cause she loved/missed/wanted me. A simple hug.

I'm a physical person. I express my love in various romantic gestures (if given the chance) but being physical is one that I respond to best. And honestly, it's not sex. It's not of the sexual nature. It's really just simple kissing and hugging. Those two things are so under-rated it's ridiculous! Is it just me, or did anyone else ever enjoy just making out with your love on the couch. Okay okay... I'll admit it, I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm cheesy, sappy, and sometimes totally lame. So what? You like it, don't lie. It's endearing, no? So I have this soft sweet side, don't tell anybody.

I don't feel wrong in these two ideals. I think it's important to have both in order to have a healthy relationship. Sure, honesty, respect, communication, ect ect are important no doubt. But to be in a relationship without feeling the least bit amount of passion, unrestricted, straight up, raw, passion... well that's just horrible. And what about being secure in oneself? Couldn't it be impossible to have a healthy relationship if both people had issues and refused to deal with them from the onset, or at least strengthen each other to help deal with it? I believe that both are so important that, I require that as well, as I'm feeling way healthier and strong in all my current walks of life.

There's more to it of course, but this is the biggest general area part of the blog. Some of you I've already talked to about it, others I have not. I'd love to hear more insights as to what you all think.

Thanks.

BAM sucka, whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

Look at this guy! I'm a dangerous machine that has the new strength to get through adversity. I've been refined and sharpened to be an incredible weapon of adversity to pierce the heart of struggle and beat the hell out of discouragement. I've been down and out, low and gone, lost and stupid, hurt and depressed, pained and deathly, I've been in a world that had one color. Now? Well, NOW this guy is on top of the world. Okay... not on top of the world, but I'm pretty close to the north pole and I'm sure it's just a matter of time before I conquer the world and I can stand on top of my mountain again.
Nobody understands the importance of a job until you don't have one for way too long. It's ridiculous how long it takes to get one now a days and the negative effects it can cause without having one. It's annoying and totally discouraging. If there's one thing I understand it's how homeless people become homeless. Most of the time people don't give a thought about it and think they are lazy and shiftless. But what happens when YOU lose a job? When YOU don't have family or friends, or you become depressed, and struggle to just get by? What happens then? What happens when you can't afford to buy food? When you aren't plugged into some kind of community to help you out? You go homeless, you sell your stuff to TRY to make it work. You call up everyone you know, you reach out and you get desperate. You start collecting recyclables. Not because you want to help the world, but because you want to help yourself. A man's gotta eat, right? So you keep looking, keep trying. What happens when you don't have a cell phone, no internet, no computer. How do you get a job then? What happens when the water gets shut off, and there's no more money for soap or deodorant? How can you even walk in when you smell like the same garbage you threw out a few months ago? Sucks huh? Ya... well I'm blessed. I'm a little lucky, but mainly blessed with the people in my life.

So now I gotta job. It's been a while since I've been this excited and happy. I feel that there are endless possibilities and anything can happen now. I feel like I've gained some of that random innocence back that I lost as a kid. I'm in awe of the world and excited for what's next.

Think about the greatest moment of your life. The best time you ever had, or the moment you were just totally happy and at peace. Ya, that moment, I remember that time. I miss h... it. I miss it. But now? This moment right now? I got a job you fools!!!! It's a level of peace I haven't experienced in quite a few months. Okay, a lot of months.

Current state? Happy. Hahahahahahaha... I'm happy. Oh... and I ain't stoppin here... no no no no no no no no. I'm gonna keep going. What does that mean? Ask me. I got plans. I got ideas. I got theories and thoughts and a process. I WILL get what I want. I WILL NOT stop. I have changed. I changed in so many ways. I have the most unbelieveable clarity and it's incredible. Sigh. Thank you God, my family, and my friends for sticking with me on this one. ooooo... facebook note time. 2 of 3 blogs written... on to the next.

The importance of being validated...

So, this will be the first blog of 3 blogs I'm writing in the next 24 hours on various internet avenues. Congrats on starting here (if you start here). (EDIT: The other writings will be more personal on my other blogs, not on this one)

There's a lot of people without work. So many friggin' people. It's such a wide variety of people, it's insane. I've heard of so many random statistics on it. Apparently, there's all levels of college out of work, all the way up to people with a Masters Degree. I also recently heard that 50% of people between the ages of 18 to 34 are out of work. 40% of that group between the ages of 24 to 34 are also living back home with their parents or with some friends. My source for the information? My mother. What? Isn't Mom always right? Oh, I also heard that 50% of all statistics are made up.

Regardless of the stats, the truth is widely known, no work out there. Here's the thing about that. People, no matter how mentally healthy, and psychologically strong a person is, needs  to have some kind of "validation" and I use the term loosely. There's unhealthy validation, being accepted by certain people, waiting and hoping for the compliments to build up your self-esteem, basically dependent validation. That's not healthy... I, um... heard that once.
Then there's, what I like to think, a healthy validation; having goals met, making achievements, or a societal validation. An example is getting a job, or having a job. Sure, having some time off, being able to do what you want whenever you want, is nice. Going on vacation is supposed to allow for a recharge of the personal batteries, but usually ends up exhausting you more. But always being able to come back to the job, well, that's a comfort that many people forget about and take advantage of. If there's one thing I know, and I know this ALL too well, I'm like the expert on it now, "you never know what you had until it's gone." I don't know the quote, and I don't feel like Google'in that Sh**. But I'm hopeful you understand my point.

Unfortunately, money makes the world go round. Unless you wanna be the guy in "Into the Wild" and go off the grid and live off the land, having money is required. It may not be the most important thing in the world, but it's definitely one of the most helpful things to have.

My personal opinion is this, Americans might be getting into a very big depression mood here once more and more of the unemployment runs out. Not having a job, that can break families, friendships, relationships, and a person as a whole. It takes a lot of strength to stay strong in the face of adversity and not crash.

That's just one of my thoughts for this week. Hopefully I write sooner next week.