A need

I have the feeling, the need, to write something. Unfortunately, I don't really have too much to say. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of thoughts and theories and other nonsense crammed into that small brain of mine, but most of it shouldn't really be spoken or written out-loud. Ah... I know.

I've still been doing my bike and run every early morning for a few weeks now, which is longer than I usually stick with some form of exercise, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself lately. I've got my head on straight finally and it's not AS crooked as it was before (still a little lop-sided, but not everyone is perfect, right?). If you are curious about what I'm talking about with this "crooked" nonsense, I suggest the blog entry "Taking A Chance", or you can click the subject link on the left side called "Changes" for a list of the important blogs.

During my 10 mile bike ride, I listen to a podcast from church, and when it's over, I do a lot of introspective thinking as well as a ton of prayer. For some reason I feel I say this at the beginning of every blog entry. I should stop doing that. Anyways, during one of those moments the lesson of holding grudges came up. That's where this blog is headed today.

I've held some grudges in my day. My family and friends know this. I'm a very stubborn person and if I feel wronged, or disrespected, I'll write off the person, or hold a grudge against them. I didn't really know what holding a grudge was until I actually really thought about it. Apparently there's a couple of individuals, mainly family members, who I've held a grudge against. My father taught me (I'll never forget this), "Mess with one bean, you mess with the whole burrito." Ahh, classic father insight. So when I felt one of my sisters, or one of my parents were wronged, I held a grudge against them. Lately, I've been trying to let it go. And for the most part I have. There is an individual (family related) that I still hold a grudge against, but that's only cause I felt hurt or disrespected by them.

Look, the point is this, and it's a tough fact, but holding something against someone doesn't hurt them, it only hurts yourself. I think many people lose sight of that and forget that that's what is truly happening. Opportunities are missed and life isn't shared. Who knows what the future holds, anything could happen. ANYTHING! Nobody knows when they'll die, or who will die next. Wouldn't it suck to have that grudge against someone and then never be able to say something to them again? I've been trying to live a more fruitful life. Really trying to keep my eyes and ears open to what's around me and be more thankful for the opportunities that have been presented to me. Granted, I still don't have a job, but yet, I'm still alive, I still have enough money to eat, and pay bills. I'm diligently looking now, more than I was before that's for sure. Cover letters still allude me a bit, but for the most part letting go of the grudges and just acknowledging the existence of that person or doing my best to just let the pain and hurt that was caused go, has really kinda lifted me spirits and taken a little weight off my shoulders. By no means am I saying to forgive immediately, or not to feel those feelings, not at all. Just don't dwell on it. I dwelled, I simmered in it. I held on to it like it was a part of me, like an extra toe... completely useless, but it was mine! Of course, who am I? Right? Why should you listen to me? I'm just some dude writing a blog. Simple life experiences is all. You never know who can do what for you in the long run and what you could learn from others is completely invaluable. I've been reaching out to people I don't normally talk to, or see or visit with, all cause I want to learn from them and I feel that they might have a better insight into how to live life than I might.

Now I'm sure I could throw some bible versus or some religious stuff at you at this moment, or during the whole blog entry. But I won't. Instead, only if you are interested, I'd suggest going to http://thecrossing.com/ and clicking podcast in the upper right corner. So far my favorite series is Crazy Love... those really hit home for me, as well as Memories. I've listened to those quite a few times. Good life lessons for the most part.

I feel I should have a tag sign off message, but I don't. So just deal.