Something Begets something else...

I had a pretty awesome weekend. I'll just put that out there now. A nice little boost to the confidence. Which of course was needed, oddly enough. Actually, I guess it's not that odd for me to have low confidence. I can fake it pretty well most of the time. But honestly, it's lower than it should be. It's been that way for awhile. But the weekend was nice. I got to see my little brother at Disneyland for a few hours, did a short film shoot, and got to see other friends at Disneyland for awhile too afterwards. And that was just Saturday! Sunday was all family, and a couple of friends at night. All in all not too shabby.

Of course, the yang of this yin (or is it the yin of this yang, whatever) is the turmoil in my head has moved to a different level, I think. I've experienced sadness, depression, frustration, and now anger. I was very frustrated and annoyed with certain circumstances that were completely out of my control and completely irrational for me to even think about. It was quite annoying. But, I'm doing slightly better today and just have to keep reminding myself that I'm working me to be the best person I can be. It's a battle of wits against myself and a vicious game that I must win. It's a constant fight of keeping my head strong stubbornness on the task at hand and pushing forward to where I need to be, want to be, and supposed to be. I'm becoming stronger inside and a little outside. Growing on a spiritual and emotional level. Growing up in a maturity and a personality kind of way. Realizing that my dreams can only be attained by me. That the only real person who should have faith in my abilities is me. Nothing is impossible. I'm not a complete failure, I'm just taking my time to figure out the best possible way of getting to my destination. It's very possible to attain anything I want. God didn't make me to settle and stay where I'm at. Many times I should have been dead, but I'm not. There's a reason I'm still on this earth.

And... I'm spent.