I've found that most of my blog entries should be recorded while I'm driving somewhere, because that's when I talk to myself... out loud. Oh come on, don't look at me like that! You do it too!! Everyone does it. Okay, maybe not full conversations, but it's my way of processing, so shut up!
I'm just saying, if I had a tape recorder going that auto-dictated my every word while I spoke, I'd have an interesting blog entry. Unfortunately, most of those "in car convos" are soon forgotten after I leave the car. I have had some great thoughts during those excursions.
********************************* (subject change, that's why I made this line)
I think that at a certain point it becomes pointless to go back and re-read what I wrote, because most likely I wouldn't write anymore. I have a horrible habit of repeating myself, and I'd rather live in the "ig-nant bliss" space and not think about it. Even though, I'm sure I've already stated the following.
This time of year really eats me alive. Not the shopping, not the people, but the atmosphere is what does it. The nice crisp chill in the air. The smell of happiness and romance (yes, that has a smell). There's an odd sense of wonder that happens to cross my face, as I people watch. People watching at a bar is one thing. Those people are only there for one thing, typically. But people watching at night out front of a movie theater. You notice things. Like the couple who were in a warm hug embrace going up the escalator. After smiling at each other, they leaned in for a simple loving kiss. I had never actually witnessed it before, but a simple kiss turned into a way more passionate kiss. It was, inspiring, and for lack of a better term, romantic. I actually felt like the escalator slowed down to give them more time. Couples holding hands, arm in arm, arm around shoulder; all examples of people in relationships, and the varying degrees of their seriousness.
I attribute the weather to this atmospheric condition. The colder it gets, the more people want to be with another person. Obviously. It's friggin' cold! I live in a mobile home. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But the truth is, these tin cans add another 10 degrees to the weather if it's hot, or another -10 if it's cold. I typically run pretty hot. I've been called a furnace by my ex. But even in this weather, I'm gettin' chilly.
***********************************(this will all tie in together, trust me)
So I got my home theater setup. It's amazing. 55 inch TV, surround sound, the whole thing. Just incredible. I almost cried when I got it all setup. It really was a dream since I was a kid to have my own high end system. I always thought it would just be so awesome to play video games with my friends on a big screen, watch movies with family and friends and just enjoy the TV to it's full extent.
Then, after sitting down and watching a movie, I realized something. This was not what I had expected. (here's where I tie it together people)
I'm alone. Granted, it's by choice of course. But to be honest, I haven't been in a relationship in almost 2 years now. I believe that's a decent amount of time to figure myself out, sure. I've dated, sortaspeak, but nothing really panned out. Mostly due in part to my own dis-interest in the subject, and my want for just some friendly company without any expectations. Now though, well... now the whole thing is upside down.
Here I am, sitting, looking at everything I've gained and worked for and been completely and utterly blessed with, and who can I share it with? Sure, sure, I have friends. But really, most of them are busy leading their lives with their respective families, and loved ones. I know they'll always be there for me, and that's not the point I'm trying to make. My point is, that this road I'm on, well, it's not as enjoyable as I had once imagined it would be.
I really do love my alone time, and God knows I have plenty of it. But what good is going on an adventure if you can't share it with someone close to you? Ya know? Sure, I'm looking forward to my trip to Holland next year. I'm looking forward to a lot of things I'll be doing on my own. But that doesn't change the fact that it would be nice to enjoy the company of a love interest.
Again, I'm going to contribute this state of mind to the aforementioned weather.... kind of.
I'm just saying, if I had a tape recorder going that auto-dictated my every word while I spoke, I'd have an interesting blog entry. Unfortunately, most of those "in car convos" are soon forgotten after I leave the car. I have had some great thoughts during those excursions.
********************************* (subject change, that's why I made this line)
I think that at a certain point it becomes pointless to go back and re-read what I wrote, because most likely I wouldn't write anymore. I have a horrible habit of repeating myself, and I'd rather live in the "ig-nant bliss" space and not think about it. Even though, I'm sure I've already stated the following.
This time of year really eats me alive. Not the shopping, not the people, but the atmosphere is what does it. The nice crisp chill in the air. The smell of happiness and romance (yes, that has a smell). There's an odd sense of wonder that happens to cross my face, as I people watch. People watching at a bar is one thing. Those people are only there for one thing, typically. But people watching at night out front of a movie theater. You notice things. Like the couple who were in a warm hug embrace going up the escalator. After smiling at each other, they leaned in for a simple loving kiss. I had never actually witnessed it before, but a simple kiss turned into a way more passionate kiss. It was, inspiring, and for lack of a better term, romantic. I actually felt like the escalator slowed down to give them more time. Couples holding hands, arm in arm, arm around shoulder; all examples of people in relationships, and the varying degrees of their seriousness.
I attribute the weather to this atmospheric condition. The colder it gets, the more people want to be with another person. Obviously. It's friggin' cold! I live in a mobile home. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But the truth is, these tin cans add another 10 degrees to the weather if it's hot, or another -10 if it's cold. I typically run pretty hot. I've been called a furnace by my ex. But even in this weather, I'm gettin' chilly.
***********************************(this will all tie in together, trust me)
So I got my home theater setup. It's amazing. 55 inch TV, surround sound, the whole thing. Just incredible. I almost cried when I got it all setup. It really was a dream since I was a kid to have my own high end system. I always thought it would just be so awesome to play video games with my friends on a big screen, watch movies with family and friends and just enjoy the TV to it's full extent.
Then, after sitting down and watching a movie, I realized something. This was not what I had expected. (here's where I tie it together people)
I'm alone. Granted, it's by choice of course. But to be honest, I haven't been in a relationship in almost 2 years now. I believe that's a decent amount of time to figure myself out, sure. I've dated, sortaspeak, but nothing really panned out. Mostly due in part to my own dis-interest in the subject, and my want for just some friendly company without any expectations. Now though, well... now the whole thing is upside down.
Here I am, sitting, looking at everything I've gained and worked for and been completely and utterly blessed with, and who can I share it with? Sure, sure, I have friends. But really, most of them are busy leading their lives with their respective families, and loved ones. I know they'll always be there for me, and that's not the point I'm trying to make. My point is, that this road I'm on, well, it's not as enjoyable as I had once imagined it would be.
I really do love my alone time, and God knows I have plenty of it. But what good is going on an adventure if you can't share it with someone close to you? Ya know? Sure, I'm looking forward to my trip to Holland next year. I'm looking forward to a lot of things I'll be doing on my own. But that doesn't change the fact that it would be nice to enjoy the company of a love interest.
Again, I'm going to contribute this state of mind to the aforementioned weather.... kind of.
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