I've been processing a lot of self-evaluations lately. Really striving to understand myself and where I'm at in my core. I've strayed from a lot of regular habits and hobbies and noticed that some old habits started to slowly flourish again. With the lack of a properly functional ankle, running, hiking, and dancing have been out of the question. And unfortunately, will be another 2 to 3 weeks.
I had realized that I had put a lot stake into the "idea of who I am" into running and swing dancing. As I had tried to re-invent myself and better myself last year, I had almost forgotten some crucial key points in my own growth. A hobby does not define who you are. I've almost made the critical mistake of using those hobbies as my reasons for who I am. But that's just the thing, they are hobbies. HOBBIES! I feel the word "duh" should be placed somewhere around here, but that's just a cliche word to use that I'd kinda rather not dampen the intelligence of this blog with such a word.
So, instead of exercise, I've pushed myself to still continue to socialize in a different arena; the bars.
Once noted for their great influence on relationships as a whole between male camaraderie, and romantic relationships, as well as recovery for those dealing with hardships, "The Bar", I feel, has become a seedy establishment that has been sullied by the various alcoholics that frequent these places. Okay, maybe I'm coming across a bit jaded and most likely egocentric to a certain degree, but let's be honest, some of these places are just not right.
Last night was an interesting eye opener. People go to bars for 2 reasons, to drink and/or socialize. I've been witness to the wide array of douchebaggery that tends to be bestowed upon the poor innocent attractive female sitting with her friends at the bar. Where am I? People watching. It's almost like watching an animal documentary from the 70s or 80s.
Those of you who know me, know that that sounds weird. Me? Shut down? Never!
Another first was to have a wing-man. I know that sounds weird, it looks weird typing it out. But seriously, a friend of mine pulled a wing-man stunt or, sheesh, I don't know what you call it. I've never had that before. I got great guy friends, but we've never gone to a bar, and then hit on women. It was just... it was never done. I felt like such a little kid at the moment. I felt the true level of innocence that I have come forward. I didn't think I had any of that left, but apparently, apparently... I'm still not fully aware of how things work in the outside world.
So ya, I've gone back, re-read my entries on relationships and my views on the healthy ones and what I want or need. Like I said, I'm trying to actually push myself to start dating again and going out. I'm starting to think I shouldn't force myself to do anything, and just let whatever happens happen. Bah, I'll figure it out. I'm sure by the end of this week I'll know what I'm doing. I can sense it.
I had realized that I had put a lot stake into the "idea of who I am" into running and swing dancing. As I had tried to re-invent myself and better myself last year, I had almost forgotten some crucial key points in my own growth. A hobby does not define who you are. I've almost made the critical mistake of using those hobbies as my reasons for who I am. But that's just the thing, they are hobbies. HOBBIES! I feel the word "duh" should be placed somewhere around here, but that's just a cliche word to use that I'd kinda rather not dampen the intelligence of this blog with such a word.
So, instead of exercise, I've pushed myself to still continue to socialize in a different arena; the bars.
Once noted for their great influence on relationships as a whole between male camaraderie, and romantic relationships, as well as recovery for those dealing with hardships, "The Bar", I feel, has become a seedy establishment that has been sullied by the various alcoholics that frequent these places. Okay, maybe I'm coming across a bit jaded and most likely egocentric to a certain degree, but let's be honest, some of these places are just not right.
Last night was an interesting eye opener. People go to bars for 2 reasons, to drink and/or socialize. I've been witness to the wide array of douchebaggery that tends to be bestowed upon the poor innocent attractive female sitting with her friends at the bar. Where am I? People watching. It's almost like watching an animal documentary from the 70s or 80s.
"Bare witness at the Male Douchebag. In order for him to secure a mate, he must be fully prepared with drink in hand, top 3 buttons on his shirt undone, and his hair styled and quaffed just right. Notice that he never approaches on his own, but the Male Douchebag actually attacks in pairs. Remarkable."Do you see what I see now? Here I am sitting and watching some of the worst that the human species has to offer. And then I realized last night, what am I doing there? Am I a bar fly? I've been out a lot this week. Mainly as a personal test and attempt to prepare myself for some level of dating. It's been a long time since I've dated. And to be totally honest, I've never felt that I actually chased after anyone (until the most recent one). So my experience in asking someone out is nearly zero. Not to even mention walking up and talking to someone. I have great confidence in myself, I've made sure of it. I'm smart, witty, funny, and not too bad on the eyes. When I'm on the dance floor, I'm myself, open, honest, forward, confident, ect ect. When I'm at a bar, it's like I shut down. It's the most interesting behavioral change.
Those of you who know me, know that that sounds weird. Me? Shut down? Never!
Another first was to have a wing-man. I know that sounds weird, it looks weird typing it out. But seriously, a friend of mine pulled a wing-man stunt or, sheesh, I don't know what you call it. I've never had that before. I got great guy friends, but we've never gone to a bar, and then hit on women. It was just... it was never done. I felt like such a little kid at the moment. I felt the true level of innocence that I have come forward. I didn't think I had any of that left, but apparently, apparently... I'm still not fully aware of how things work in the outside world.
So ya, I've gone back, re-read my entries on relationships and my views on the healthy ones and what I want or need. Like I said, I'm trying to actually push myself to start dating again and going out. I'm starting to think I shouldn't force myself to do anything, and just let whatever happens happen. Bah, I'll figure it out. I'm sure by the end of this week I'll know what I'm doing. I can sense it.
