What I meant was, I was going to write a private blog, but I decided that maybe a public blog would be best as it might allow others to offer feedback or... maybe I might enlighten someone.
My one standing belief since I was a kid was fun. Yes. Fun. I believe in fun. Sure, I got my christian based faith, and values to an extent. But that's faith and religion. What I believe in when it comes to life is fun. What does that mean? Glad you asked, let me explain. When I was in grade school, I remember the teacher asking us to write down what we wanted to be when we grow up, what was our goals in life, what did we want to do, or become. I remember so clearly thinking about it. Just thinking, long and hard, staring at a blank lined piece of paper. I honestly don't remember what I wrote down. But I do remember what I was thinking. I remember that all I wanted to do with my life was have fun. I wanted to have fun for the rest of my life. I wanted to laugh and play and have fun. Didn't matter what it was. As a kid there's a certain innocence one might have. Some lose that "child's innocence" early on in life, for others it takes a bit longer.
Quick memo here:
When I say "child's innocence" I want to be clear as to what I mean. Remember pretending? Remember playing make-believe? Remember how you could create whole worlds with just your imagination? How spending time with just the most mundane objects in your room took up hours if not days of your time, and you enjoyed every minute of it? That's the "child's innocence" I'm talking about. Being able to have fun for hours on end doing practically nothing, with practically nothing but a few objects.
Now then, back to what I was saying. I wanted... no... want.. to have fun in my life. I've never lost that dream. All the way through high school, the question would come up, "What do you want to do with your life?" "What are you going to be when you grow up?". Apparently it was assumed that I would have to grow up. But why? Why must I grow up? Become responsible, yes. I agree, that comes with the territory of surviving in everyday life. But what happened to having fun? Why can't I laugh a little every day, or do something fun and joyful every day? Why can't I just be me every day? When I grow up I want to be me, I want to be a responsible 12 year old. I think I've done pretty well so far.
Now don't get me wrong. I understand that money is needed to survive. If anyone knows that, I do. I've been financially stable, as well as completely and utterly financially wrecked. But I gotta say, I had more fun being wrecked, then being stable. I've almost discovered a happy balance between the two. Not struggling, but not well off. To laugh and play a little each day is a great joy to me. And once I get that job, that dream job, I know life will be on the way to perfection that only I can appreciate. Perfection is totally and utterly in the eye of the beholder. And usually, only optimists can see it.
So. I believe in fun. I believe in me. I believe that I can do, and will do anything I want. I might be 29, but I'm not anywhere close to death. I know there are good things on the horizon for me. I have faith in many things, some may be foolish to others (which is just a lack of understanding) and may be brilliant to few. But it doesn't matter. I'm still a child at heart and I believe that I can have fun. I will grow and become a better person, but not to the extent and the lengths as to forget my childhood dream of having fun.
I strongly believe it is possible. Nothing is impossible. I will prove it. I will stand tall and laugh manically because... well... because that would be fun, and funny. You'll see... YOU'll ALL SEE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Now I don't normally read my own blogs, nor do I really think about what I'm writing... but I have a good feeling what I just wrote, was pretty good. I'll read it later.
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