It's odd how the month of November, the month that contains my favorite holiday, almost always seems to be one of the toughest months to get threw for me. To document this month, I'm writing this blog... and making it public.
For starters, I had applied to a job at 2k Sports. They flew me up there, set me up in a hotel, with a rental car. It was great. I looked at potential places to move to up there. It was a big deal. I'd be leaving EVERYTHING I know to move up there. It wasn't until I looked at the first place that it all sunk in. That's when I did everything I knew to cheer myself up again; went to Toys R Us, Best Buy, an Arcade, and Taco Bell. It wasn't until after I heard this quote from Cast Away, "I just need to breath, cause tomorrow the sun will rise and you never know what the tide will bring" that I finally cheered up.
I get back from that trip, a few days later, find out I didn't get it. Okay, take a day to regroup and get my mind back on track. Everything's good again. In fact, I'm doing even better. I went, I saw, I left. It was great. I'm happy. Then the fires come. Within minutes, it's on top of everything around us. I grab what I can and bail. Everything from my sisters' and I's childhood and everything my parents own are nearly burned up. We were evacuated. My parents stayed with my uncle in Garden Grove, and I stayed with my good friend in Costa Mesa. It was a nervous 24 hours as we wait to see the damage of our beloved collection of memories. Luckily for us, only a kicked in front door and a ton of smoke had reached our apartment. Nothing lost. The apartment building outside my bedroom window was completely toast, as was everything directly on the other side of us. We were skipped by flames that should have wiped everything clean. But of course, some damage had made to it to the building. So rumor was that our building might get demo'd. Recently found out that there's a good strong possibility that it will not. Yay! So smiles back on, or still on, and no worries.
As soon as that news reaches us, more news comes in. My Grandfather (mom's dad) had a stroke. About 1 to 2 days later (today) we find out he is dead. The craziest thing about this is that I felt it before it happened. Before I got the call, all my energy went bad and sour. My mouth had a sudden bitter taste in it and I could just feel it. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just laid down. That's when I got a call that he had passed on. So... now what. I mean... he lived a good long life. And it's not like you ever really get to have a good good-bye to someone you love. But that doesn't change the fact that it's still hard to smile after that. I mean, with everything that has happened to my family as a whole, and myself, wouldn't it be a good time for a break? I'm still smiling. I feel like I kinda have to. Death isn't really my thing. I can only remember a couple of people who have ever really helped me deal with it, and unfortunately they can't really help me anymore. Plus, I don't think this is one of those moments where you would say, "Well, it's time to grow up and deal with it, it's life. You can't have your hand held forever." But when it comes to death, I think everyone needs to have their hand held. Or at the very least know that someone can hold their hand. (This is a metaphor for you retards out there.) I know I got plenty of friends who care and worry about me, it was quite obvious when the posiblity of me moving up north. Bah, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here. It's too emotional for me to really get in depth about. My initial response at this point in the blog is to say something funny and stupid. But... I honestly can't think of anything. *shrugs*
Keep smiling. Because everyone likes a smile, and its more contagious than a frown.
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