2013: It's your fault

2013 was a pretty good year. This is the year that my heart grew like the Grinch's heart. It can't be helped I suppose. Half way through the year, and a bucket full of disgust for "the datings" I finally met someone who my innocent flirting behavior had actually turned into flirting on purpose. It was definitely a great surprise. 

I had to get that out of the way first. So, as per the usual, I'm posting the last blog of the year for myself. I'm a little sad that I didn't write more this year, but that was explained in the last blog entry. I did happen to go through and re-read the old NYE posts for 2009, 2011, and 2012. Apparently, 2010 didn't exist, so we'll just move on from that one. As mentioned (last blog), I'm on a 5 year plan. The plan is semi-unbeknownst to myself in details; only in the fact that I know there's one. 

So, before I continue to my prediction for 2014, I'd like to say how grateful I am for this year. There has been a lot of positive energy and positive events that have come to fruition in the last half of this year and it's been pretty incredible; girlfriend, nephew, acting, trips. Now the pessimist in me wants to say that it's just a matter of time. But I'm not concerned about that anymore. I've lived through Hell for a year and came out stronger and more awesome; I can handle anything now. 

So, let's talk about what I think about 2014; unbelievable. This next year is going to be absolutely unbelievable. Things are going to change, a lot, and there's going to be some big incredible unbelievable things happening. I can't say good or bad. But I know, I've know this for a very very long time. I've said too much already. Now, keep in mind that this prediction is really only centered around my little universe, and those who are inside the bubble of me, which in no way is meant to be dirty. But ya, there is something very very grand happening this year and it's going to change the outcome of many years to come. I have the most extreme excited nervousness about it. 

Again, another massive thanks to everyone who made this year incredible. Close friends, far away friends, friends who I don't talk to as much cause of life and my inability to remain in constant contact, friends who have always been there and I don't need to remain in constant contact with but always have my back (and I theirs) family who is friends, and friends who are family; all of you are incredible and amazing and keep me strong and awesome just in knowing you. Thank you. 

May this next year be one of blessings, positive energy, and growth. 

Learn from even the smallest of mistakes and become stronger in character and emotional muscle. 

Smile more, be generous with your laughter, and always give hugs and high fives as often as possible; you never know who could use them.

Be safe-

Me

A dream

Look at me, doing the breathing and living of life stuff. Yep, yep, still alive. I've found that most of my usual blog conversations with myself, take place on my drive home from work or to/from a friends house/event. But here I am, writing, in my blog, dictating myself for everyone to see and understand, or documenting things I feel and think in case I completely lose my mind later in life.

Where to begin. Well, like I said, last year, this year is going to be a good year. I suppose it's part of a 5 year plan for my own personality; the first year was growth, the second year was stability, and the third year is push. I've taken some very large baby steps this year. Many of my friends don't realize it. Few of my close friends do.
Sigh. I have so much to say, my brain is exploding with words.

Okay. Quick speed through. I met someone. A woman. Shocking, I know. But this one, somehow, demolished my protective layers.
Everyone does it. You get emotionally hurt, you build walls. I, of course, built so many landmines I was scared to take a step outside of my own walls, which of course were layered with spikes and barb wire. Let's not forget the solid 5 foot thick iron gates and the moat with man eating piranha, a small hedge outlining that with every type of dangerous spider, and... well... let's just say I did my best to make it nearly impossible to get involved with me.
Then she happened. Not sure how she did it. But she did. It was as if she had an indestructible tank with flamethrowers coming off every side and armor piercing weaponry. Actually, it was pretty impressive. I know there's a lot of people who know how adamant I had been about not ever dating, finding someone, or wanting a relationship... and yet... here we are. I can't be upset by this, even if I wanted to. If I was, I wouldn't be in the relationship to begin with. This one is definitely pretty amazing.

So, ya... that's been happening. And as most people would assume, "you haven't been writing cause you've been busy with the new girlfriend, happens every time". Actually... that's incorrect. My weekends are pretty tied up, sure. But to be honest, I just haven't had much to say. There are a few things that come to mind now.
For instance, communication in a relationship is way different in theory as opposed to in action. Duh. Yes. I know. But when all I have to go off is theory, it's interesting to finally see it and use it in practice. Of course, everyone is wired differently and learning how to communicate properly to the certain people is always a new task. But when both people are trying to communicate and are willing to do so, then it makes everything SOOOO much easier. HOLY CRAP. I mean, really?! No offence to my past experiences, but let's be honest here, having the right communication wave length makes things soooooooooooooo much easier.

I could go for days, months, years talking about it, but I'd rather NOT make people sick with all the ridiculousness that is my emotional excitement (a different entry would be needed for that).

So instead, I bring us to Thanksgiving. Well, what WAS Thanksgiving, and is now the prior Thanksgiving of 2013.

I'd like to say thanks. I've been incredibly blessed with very good friends and family. This isn't me bragging, this is me saying thank you. I know I'm a big pain in the butt, and I tend to forget easily, and frequently. But I appreciate those of you who have made strong attempts to keep in contact with me. And those who still respond to me, despite my disappearing tricks and lack of returning calls. Trust me when I say, I honestly just forget or become busy. I'm not on the internets that is Facebook much anymore (Google chat and text is the easiest way of communication it would appear now). But I digress.
This year has been an interesting one (as predicted). I appreciate those of my friends who have been there for that much needed hug, those ears to listen to my complaints and questions, and those high fives to boost my confidence. I finally feel like I'm winning at life, and I'm feeling more prepared and ready to exact my doomsday devi... I mean...er... exact my love and appreciation for life onto the world.
I've got a solid job that challenges me and allows me the utmost freedom to continue to follow my dream of acting, wherever that may take me.
I've got a family that is supportive and also growing, with a new nephew now who has blessed me with the title of Uncle.
I've got friends who support me, look out for me, always with love and laughter.
And I've got a relationship that gives me strength, confidence, love and support. Someone who inspires me, and shows me what a good person truly is. Someone who is my biggest supporter in world domina.... er... succeeding in my career, dreams, and aspirations, no matter what they are.

I'm only awesome by way of the awesome that I surround myself with. So thank you for lending me some of your awesome and continuing to help me become stronger, better, wiser.

Parental Video Game Violence

This is a subject that I am very very VERY passionate about, and I feel it branches off onto a variety of multiple subjects.
Let me start this off strong with one sentence, keep in mind this is my opinion. You don't like it, too bad, it's my opinion. My blog = my rules = my opinion. Bam, you just been learned.

The violence from teenagers/kids in schools, is a direct result of bad parenting, not violent video games.

Think about that for a little bit. Many people have a hard time swallowing that fact. The truth is that, just like movies and television, video games have a rating system as well. Actually, the Video Game Industry created it because no one else was doing it. They were just trying to protect everyone else. Those violent video games are being played by children who are totally underage to begin with.

I've been witness to this lots of times. I've seen kids with their parents in a GameStop, buying some super shoot 'em up game and such. I've been playing a Zombie killing game for a few years now. It's pretty gorey with some very adult language. This game is an online multiplayer game, and I absolutely enjoy playing it with my adult friends. The key word here is ADULT. The game was made with ADULTS in mind. I also typically play the game at the wee hours of the morning, 1am or later. So when I hear a child's voice, who is 9 year's old, playing one of the most violent games I've ever played, at 12am or 1 am, then yes... YES, I will be very concerned and worried. Because WHO ON EARTH IS LETTING THEIR CHILD PLAY THAT GAME?!

So you wanna argue a point about that? Okay.
1) Those video games shouldn't be created in the first place. It's a video game, Video games are for children.
Right. Well, the average age of people playing video games is 19 to 34. That's a HUGE demographic of ADULTS! Video games are made primarily for Adults. Not children. It's a misconception because we started playing video games AS children when they were first created. THOSE games are not NEARLY as violent and graphic. But due to the increase in technology, games are becoming more life like and have a deeper storyline than before. The "children" who grew up playing the games, are now the ones making them.
Oh, and since the games are made violent, I'm pretty sure that the age range that they are made for, are intelligent enough to know the difference between what is REAL and NOT REAL.

2) It's not the responsibility of the Adults to have to monitor the industry that is making the games.
You're right. It isn't. It's the responsibility of the adult to monitor their children. The desensitization of children can only cause more harm than good. If a child isn't explained to that the game isn't real, and isn't technically allowed in a normal society, than ya, it's going to be an issue.

Also, don't buy games for your child to be distracted by because you're too busy to manage your own kid. If you're that busy, maybe you shouldn't have had the kid in the first place, jackass. And if it was something that you didn't plan for, then manage your time better. AND when the kid decides to go on a rampage at school because he was being picked on. Don't blame video games. Blame the fact that you didn't pay enough attention to know he/she was upset, was struggling in school, was depressed, etc etc etc.

There are so many factors here, and most of them all point to the house in which the kid was living in. Comeon, seriously people. I'm nearly positive that if anyone was to start paying attention, none of this would have happened. Selfish, self-centered, self-righteous a-hole parenting. It's a fail.

Headlines shouldn't read: "Video Games cause child to strike out in violence at school". It should read, "America fails to properly be a Parent to children"

Seriously. Screw you people for having kids and not taking care of them. I'd kick you in the groin hard enough to prevent any more offspring, because it's morons like you who are going to screw me over royally when I (somehow) retire in my old age. You're children are going to be a drain on my soul.

Sigh. Well, that's my rant. And again, this is just my opinion. I know LOTS of people who grew up playing the violent games and turned out fine. But that doesn't excuse parents from not taking a more noticeable role in their child's life and what they are putting into the brain holes. 

Time wasting.

An interesting turn of events tonight. And, being that it is 2:15 AM, I figured what better time to start writing and blogging about my night. My night started off as any other night, go out with friends to a bar. Typically, as habit, I tend to have only a few drinks and feel pretty good, not blitzed like most of the people there. Tonight. like any other, was just like that; have a few drinks and relax with a good atmosphere and feed off of the energy. That's another thing that I do; feed off the energy. I'm an extroverted introvert, which I feel I may have stated before, which basically means that I enjoy being outgoing and friendly, as long as I have the energy off of the atmosphere to considerably enhance that feeling. Tonight being no different.

Now, another thing I feel I must state. I read people. I don't call it judging, because I believe in the science of non-verbal behavior. And I've tried to train myself in the ways of (lack of a better term) the force. And if there's something else people don't know, it's that I don't like to waste my time. Sure, I'm interested in a lot of different people, but if I don't feel something immediatly, then I'm not pursuing. The biggest problem with this logic is that it only insists itself upon bar patrons. Because, well, let's be honest... it's a FRIGGIN' BAR! Seriously? Look at these people. It's not much further than the outrageousness that Hollywood or "The Media" paints. It's a bunch of incoherant, mentally challenged, intoxicated morons, just trying to get their jollys off. Jollys is an old term meaning, sexual feelings, for those of you who can't understand what I meant (why are you reading my blog?)

Sure, I might sound jaded. But when is the last time you were at the bar. Yes, I love the energy a bar can give me. It's positive and typically very happy (everyone is drunk off their butt). But it's also a sesspool for retardation and low standards.
Anyways, before I go completely off the rails, tonight was interesting. I had a great conversation with a female friend of mine tonight after the bar. Instead of looking and reading various people and immediately deciding I didn't want to waste my time, I should try and make friends. More friends. More and more and more and more; because maybe one of them will get the clue and realized how awesome I truly am.

Plus, as I've started to reazlie, maybe it's good practice for me, since I want to go into the acting business, and any kind of training would be great.

Okay, I'm sleepy, finally. Good night world.

*hours later*
Aaaaannndddd.... I'm up.
So, the last month or so has given me a plethora of dreams, good and nightmarish. Not that great, quite honestly. Typically, I can have a dream, and figure out why I was having it, based off of some emotional turmoil or struggle going on in my waking life. Of course, I'm not like other people who might make up something: "Oh, so the tree burning must represent my passion for the camping, so I have to be a feeling that way about it!" No. That's dumb. I do a proper analyzation of exactly what I'm going through in my life and try and figure out what has be rocked enough that my brain has to talk to me in my sleep.

Unfortunately, the last two months, I couldn't figure it out. But I think I'm finally starting to get it.

Everyone goes through ups and downs in life; jobs, relationships, money, health. I've done my part in partaking in those ups and downs. Granted, it's not as bad as some, and I recognize that. But let's keep in mind that this is MY blog. So for the sake of being selfish and self-centered, we'll talk about me now. K? (they were all out of sarcastic font at the store)

I believe, that most people, healthy minded people, after a relationship, take a break from the dating scene/world and figure out their own crap. Which, I have done. But never has it occured to me, that you can actually continue to learn once you make the choice to start dating again. Wait, wait, that didn't come out right. I know people are always learning. Life is just a giant school for learning, and it never stops. What I'm getting at is that there are things that I didn't think I would still need to learn after taking that break. I imagine that once you get to a point of confidence in being by yourself, you might choose to start dating. Because, heck, if I'm this awesome by myself, I should be totally awesome with someone too.
But after a few failed attempts at dating, that confidence gets rocked a bit, and the emotion of lonliness can sink in. Which, I think is something I haven't felt in a while, and I didn't think I would again. I suppose everyone does, but it's still odd to me. I still have confidence, but yet, I'm.... damn it brain, keep up.

New Insight on the Horizons

I swear, sometimes my ADD gets the better of me and I never seem to finish writing a thought. The other problem I have is when I'm driving home late at night, and all the thoughts that I would normally write down, I end up processing on a long drive home, so I never end up writing the thoughts down. Annoying, I know.

But here I am, finally, trying to push the other distractions out of the way to make room for a new blog entry. I'm way past due, I know. Here's the subject matter in case you want to skip to the end for some random life update: I saw the movie "Crazy, Stupid, Love".

So, in the past, I've written some what, possibly, maybe, kinda, jaded views on "true love" and all of that crap. Well, it's not really crap, I take that back. But you get what I mean. First off, this movie, well... more like the special features of the movie, interviews and commentary and such with the actors, inspire me to go for the acting roles I want. It makes me excited. I get all jacked up after watching actors be normal people and go back into performing; because I KNOW I can do that. Of course, the flipside of that is the incredible amount of hard work and time and patience and such that go into it that become a discouragement. But regardless of the outcome, I'll at least know that I made a valiant effort towards a direction that I feel strongly about.

Secondly, I've got the body frame, that if I carbo-loaded and worked out like a madman, I could be totally ripped like good-lookin'-what's-his-face, Ryan Gosling. I already got the body tone... I'm just saying, it's good to know there's a version of me out there so I could see what I might look like. What? Don't look at me like that. Bah, you know I'm right.

Thirdly, this love thing. To do a quick summary of the movie title alone, I think it sums up the movie. First third is "Crazy". Then it gets pretty stupid. And it ends with a nice little box of "love". It's interesting. The first part of the movie you watch, and slightly learn, how to pick up on women at a bar. Which has always been fascinating to me. To be honest, I've never hit on a woman at a bar; not intentionally at least. I'm the type of person who feeds off of the energy of others. A good, high level of positivity can get keep my batteries running for awhile. Plus, certain places are fantastic for people watching and studying human behavior. I feel that the more I witness and watch and study, the more understanding I'll end up being towards others. It's a little odd to me, now that I think about it. I typically learn best by doing, but in this situation (being at a bar), I learn better by watching.
So why go to a bar if I'm not going to hit on women? Like I said, I'm there for the atmosphere, the energy, and sometimes you don't know who'll you meet. I've met some interesting people, randomly of course, but still enjoyable.

I really feel like there's a lot more I want to say, but I'm not quite sure I have the words corrected yet. Case in point, that sentence makes more sense in my head.

Lastly, life is grand. I've gotten a bit bored, since I'm not swing dancing anymore. I've been taking some great acting classes. I've been running and exercising regularly. Since I was gone a lot during the week/months, last year, I've taken more time to be at home and enjoy my place and home theater. Movies aren't the same anywhere else now.

That's all I got for now.

From another place

So I have a few other blogs. One of them is 100% private, another one is semi-private (ask and you shall receive) and then there's this one. The reason I bring this up, is cause I wrote something that I found very poignant and somewhat personal, and I'd like to share a piece of it with the world:

The men in my family, going back to my dad, my dad's dad, my dad's uncle, my dad's cousin, all of us have this in common: we love deeply and won't quit or stop. I've noticed this trait in every one of the guys. The relationships they've had, or are in, the love they have for their spouse, is undeniably strong and infinite. This causes me to look back at my past.
Since 2011, I've been trying to learn and grow as much as possible. I've been trying to discover my faults, and my weaknesses, and really just improve on me, as much as possible. So many things have happened since then; I've actually been told I'm a different person now by some close friends and family members. All for the better, of course.
This new realization shines so much light onto myself, that I feel way more aware now of some of the why's and how's and what's. To be completely honest here, I always felt devastated and hurt by a break-up, regardless of who's idea it was (usually mine). But the truth is, that when I love, I love so deeply and wholeheartedly, that I can't just turn it off and rip it out. Fascinating really. To think that someone like me, who appreciates his solidarity more so than others, would actually feel such an intense level of love for someone when in a relationship; so much so that it continues even beyond the end of that relationship. Am I the only one who finds that interesting and intriguing?
Good news is, that I could never cheat on anyone, it's not even relatively close to being in my blood.
Bad news is, that unless I've filled that love with someone, or something else, it can cause pain when discovering the other person has indeed moved on. Not a wonderful feeling to be honest.
Sure, I know it happens. It happens with everyone who is looking for "love" and sappiness. I've always felt it takes me longer to get past these barriers than others. Cause, to be completely honest, there will always be some small fragment of me that will love that person. The further time goes, the less it is, and the more it becomes a love of the memory, I suppose. What I can say with a 100% certainty is that We, (insert my last name)'s men, love forever and then some. Trying to pry that love away from them is futile. I can't believe this is a learned experience, or an even subconscious one, but a complete genealogy embedded personality trait. Which, I imagine, for the right woman, would be a priceless gem.

I just hate it when it hurts is all. At least I can say that when I feel love (or heartache), it's not just a little bit, but all of it. 

So there's that. And, as a side note, for anyone keeping notes, my Christmas was great in New York. My New Year's Eve was stuck on my death bed with the worst possible flu I have EVER had (I'll be waiting till NEXT New Year's Eve for that kiss apparently), and my birthday has been totally rocking.
Oh and I bought a new suit. Going to the bars and clubs this weekend in my Birthday Suit!.... wait... wait... ya... that's right.