Randominity is like immunity...

But only from boredom. So I had made a plan (not a resolution) to try and write at least twice a month on my blog. Not sure why, just thought it might be nice to document some of the more interesting random thoughts I might have had while I was going through the year. I think my original drive on this was so that I could keep some memories alive after I lose my mind and memory years later (than sooner hopefully). So here is my last blog of the year. The only thing I got and I don't really want to write about it, is this particular holiday. I've never been a fan of New Year's Eve. I thought it was actually quite stupid. We could celebrate a new year ANY time during the year. You realize that we could totally change the calendar so that Wednesday is the beginning of the week? Or June is the 12th month? We could. But we wouldn't. Making resolutions shouldn't happen once a year, and it shouldn't have to happen on this day. Sure it's easier to remember because its the "official" end of a year. But why not start your own new beginning on a different day? I did that once. Unfortunately because I have a horrible memory I don't remember exactly what day that was. I'm pretty sure it was around Thanksgiving though.

So... I suppose a recap would be in order as well since I'm making an autobiography for my own personal gain. (isn't that why autobiographies are written anyways? personal gain?)
This year was just as I had predicted... eh. I mean, it was good. But it wasn't super outstanding fantastic. It was pretty awesome though now that I think about it. New York a couple of times; lots and lots of swing dancing; and new friends. The more I think about it the more I suppose I should use "great" as an adjective to describe it. I went swing dancing at least twice a week for the whole year. I might have missed one week there or here, but all in all I went way more than 50 times. I'd like to think I've improved a bit on that part as well. I've paid off almost all my debt (5oo left on the car). Like I said, I got to see my sister and her awesome fiance. My youngest sister got married which was fun. Nobody super close to me died. More friends got married. I grew emotionally but not physically. Well wait... I did gain some muscle tone finally, I'm not a complete stick, which is good. My art skills have improved thanks to the regular comic strip I've been doing and some FREElance flyer work, as well as some fun little photoshop projects I've done. It's been a good 29th year around the sun, a few weeks left before the 30th year starts.
The core months that have always had major changes for me are September to December. Major things tend to happen in that time. And they have and I'm appreciative of that.
So, now that I've reminded myself of awesomeness, I will end this blog with something...

Next year will be awesome. I got good energy for it and I know there's gonna be a lot of work involved for me but I got good vibes saying that it will be awesome. Things are moving in the right direction on all levels and I'm very very excited about it.

Ima try and write 2 blogs a month again as well. AND MORE PICTURES! and drawing.

2009 you were real, you were fun, and you were kinda real fun.

I like tape, not cancer.

I really do. It's such a fantastic invention. If someone got me tape for Christmas or my birthday, I would be very excited about that. Not that I want tape for Christmas or my birthday, I'm just saying, I like tape.
I had to start off with this deflection subject because it's how I'm wired. The truth of this (as I amend the title with "not cancer")... the truth is that I'm gonna be talking about a very serious thing and I can't do that for very long without putting in some humor. So... here it goes.

As most of you know, I'm the oldest of three. I have 2 amazing super awesome younger sisters; Sue (25) and Kim (23). Kim recently got married to a pretty rad guy this last July. Soon after Susi got engaged to Shawn, whom she had been dating for... uh... 3 years? I don't know. Doesn't matter. Shawn is awesome. I love that guy like my own brother. He's one of the funniest, goofiest, nicest most polite guys I've ever met. He belongs to my family already, even if they aren't married yet. He's got plenty of talent, strength and love for everyone in the world. And he makes my sister very very happy, which I couldn't have been happier to have.
Susi lives in New York, pursuing Broadway, and Shawn... well Shawn pretty much accomplished his dream for the most part by performing with the touring company of the musical "Chicago". Honestly these two were made for each other.

Recently, my future brother-in-law has been very very sick. He went to one doctor, who took an x-ray, and then sent him to a specialist immediately for a better examination. It had since been discovered that Shawn has a rare form of cancer in his lungs... or more specifically, his right lung. Apparently the amount of cancer is pretty bad, and he's doing Chemo today, right now most likely. He's in one of the best cancer research places in the USA right now at Memorial Sloan Kettering. He's a strong guy and optimistic as well, as is my sister.

Also, because of this unfortunate health mishap, my family won't be spending Christmas all together. Which is a first in well... ever. I'm 29, so that's 29 years for me, 25 for Susi, and 23 years for Kim. As I said to my father earlier today, "We had a good run, it was bound to happen eventually as we got older with other families. But it was good 23 year long run."

So there's some knowledge dropped down on you. I feel bad for Shawn and that he has to go through something like this, and for my sister who has to watch her loved one go through such a painful experience. I love them both tremendously and wish I could fly out and be there for both of them. Unfortunately I'm not Superman, cause if I was... I wouldn't have a car, and I would have to have secret identity and then everyone would want to be saved and life would just get so complicated, and the government would want to do experiments on me to take my DNA and make more supermen for a super army so that they could end all war and rule the world... and... uh... sorry. I digress.
Point is I wish I could do more for my sister and Shawn then just sit here and type a funny and heartfelt little blog about them (besides the prayer and positive energy I'm sending them of course). I did offer one of my lungs, even though I hate needles, I'd give him one. I only need one anyways, I'm not using both.

I suppose at this point, I would just ask for anyone and everyone's continued support and prayer for my family and his family as Shawn and Susi get through this situation. I'm sure everything will turn out fantastic, as I'm always optimistic in general. But the process is gonna be taxing.

Side note:
I might be in New York for my birthday instead of here. Don't worry, I'll be back to celebrate in proper style with all you crazy kids.

Favorite Holiday

Thanksgiving is by far the greatest of all the holidays. It's the least tainted of all the holidays and has an absolute purity that you can't just escape. Plus... what's better than a holiday where all you have to do is eat?! (and eat and eat and eat and eat). Society and commercialism have pretty much ruined all the other holidays with all their "buy me" crap. Sure you get some of that stuff for Thanksgiving, but it's really just sales on food. FOOD!!! Good food too! Turkey, bread rolls, mashed potatoes... MASHED POTATOES! (and gravy) and corn and .... *droooooool. I love it. Spending time with family and laughing and goofing off. Growing up I was always happy for this holiday. I've never really had the Christmas bug . My sisters do, my mom does... my dad... holy crap. My dad always bought more decorations after Christmas was over, for next year. The only job I ever had to do was put lights up on the house. Not too bad cause I got to climb up on the roof. But if there was one rule my family had, it was no Christmas till AFTER Thanksgiving. Well... I guess that was more my rule than anything else. No Christmas music or anything Christmas till after midnight. If there's one thing I miss it's that my WHOLE family isn't here. My awesome sister Susi and her awesome fiance(my awesome future brother in law) aren't here. When my parents, and both my sister's are here and me... I guarantee you wouldn't be able to make it through even 10 minutes of dinner without laughing. The one liner jokes, the inside jokes, the crazy humor, the ridiculousness, the childish behavior. I love it all.

Unless some form of presents or gifts suddenly became synonymous with Thanksgiving, there's no way that this holiday could be ruined and tainted by commercialism. I find it so awesome that there aren't even any major films and cartoons about this holiday as there are for Christmas. Ya ya ya, there's a few... but I don't count the snoopy cartoons. Still though. It's an awesome holiday. So what if it traces back to some crappy historical moment where we ripped off some half naked people, right now... what it means today... to me... is friggin' awesome.

I could start listing, like everyone else has, the things I'm thankful for. But really where would I start? Family, friends, religious beliefs, opportunities, skills, health... the list could go on forever. Just looking around my room I can think of a few things... The Muppets, Mel Brooks, Nintendo, Cartoons. But really... what it comes down to... what I'm most grateful to have...

Love

Corny and cheesy. But really. Let's be honest here, I know I am. Love in all aspects of the word. It really encompasses everything when you think about it. The capacity to feel it, even just a little bit so that it's just a "like" feeling, all the way to the more intense feeling that you still hold on to for one that has passed on. Being able to feel that, and/or remember how it felt to have it or give it... JUST being ABLE TO. That's an amazing gift. Without being able to feel love you couldn't do ANYTHING. Think about it. The passion that drives you, having friends, doing things, maybe it's not LOVE per-say, maybe it's a dumbed down version of it where it's just a "like" feeling... but it's still there.
So, what am I thankful for? I'm thankful for being able to feel love. To know what it feels like from family, from friends, and what it felt like to have it in a relationship. Because without being able to feel that feeling, or enjoy that feeling, I would never have the passion, the drive, the family, the friends, or anything that keeps me going each day.
I promised myself I wouldn't do this... *sniff sniff*... hahahahaha.

I can't wait to eat... Enjoy your amazing day my friends... live it and love it. You only got one life... unless you believe in reincarnation then you have a lot of them, but you won't remember this one, so enjoy it like it's the only one you got, jerk.


*note
I think it sucks that the spellchecker will underline christmas because it isn't capitalized but thanksgiving is fine like that. Screw you spellchecker. It's Thanksgiving, not thanksgiving.

Things of Some Thoughts

I write to get things that I have been thinking of out of my skull. I find it quite therapeutic in a non invasive way as people can choose to read what I write or not. I get my release and if people get some information about me, or it (for reasons beyond my comprehension) inspires others or get's their brain running, then good for them. Was that a run on sentence? Doesn't matter. I suppose I do that often anyways.
So, on with the blog. Lately, and by lately I mean the last 2 or 3 weeks, I've been thinking of my grandfather on my mother's side. He passed on a year ago this last Friday. Now like most people, I don't deal well with death. Not by at all really. Seriously, I usually just try to avoid the whole thing. My most recent x actually helped me to deal with the death of my dog only after 2 or 3 years of ignoring the sadness that I had bottled up. I'm thankful for that moment because years later I was able to somehow deal with my grandfather passing. I know I know, two totally different kind of deaths, but you get the point. A loved one is a loved one, regardless of species I suppose. (that still doesn't sound very good does it? whatever.)
Another reason I write is because my memory is absolutely horrible. And there is some kind of a hope that I might be able to preserve my memory if anything through some random online blog. Of course, I might forget the web address for it, which wouldn't be too useful would it. Anyways, my grandfather was a pretty amazing guy. Knew about 4 languages, had 2 masters, was an absolute amazing piano player of classical music, escaped from the Nazi's twice, was part of and lead an underground resistance against the Nazi's in Holland. Was the biggest goofball you'd meet. He was the happy go lucky quite mad scientist. Seriously. He had a lab with all sorts of crazy equipment and a lab coat to go with it. He was pretty awesome. Word on the street is I'm very much like him, faults and all. Which I'm quite grateful for.
Loss of any kind is quite an oddity huh? If it's an ended friendship, breakup, a separation, a divorce, or even a death; you never forget that person. No matter how hard you try they just stick to the brain like a parasite. Huh... parasite isn't really the best choice of description there is it? I'd say symbiote but my nerd side thinks of "Venom" from Spiderman and that sounds words than a parasite.

Hm. I'm sure there is more I wanted to say, or would like to say, but I can't really think of anything relevant to the subject matter that I choose to write on at this moment. I'm sure I'll be writing again soon, as I want to make sure to get my quota of blogs done that I had promised myself to do this year, and because November and December have always been interesting months for me.

On a side note:
I need more dark chocolate, and the ability to not eat so much and make myself sick. At least now I won't get in trouble if I eat too much of it.

I'm a bulldozer

I'm making this blog as an example to myself and my friends that read my blogs. I find it odd that on the 20Th year anniversary of the Berlin Wall coming down, that I will also break down my own walls. Many of you have noticed that I have walls, metaphorically speaking of course. I have increased my habits of deflecting many things with my humor and wit, and have also raised barriers from trying to prevent anyone from actually gaining enough depth about me as to actually know what I might be thinking. Then again, it's probably a better idea if you DIDN'T know what I was thinking. Half the time I wish I didn't know what I was thinking... but I digress. The point is that after many (and by many I mean a few, and by few I mean about 3 or less) random people have pointed out to me that I have, for lack of a better term, strong armed or held them at a distance because I have walls. Okay, strong armed is way to strong of a definition but I think you all get my point. It's also amazing to me how simple events in life trigger such a mind altering look into one's soul. Last week I had thought about it, literally... laid down on my bed and thought about it. Well, not for a full hour of course, my brain jumps around too much and concentrating on one thing hardly ever happens. It's more like an episode of Family Guy with constant distractions from the main plot line(thought). Again, I digress. The point is I had thought about it and realized how my various actions and conversations with other various people and incidences completely went a different direction from where I had originally thought they would go. Never did I realize that the walls I had built so high to protect me would actually end up harming me. Sounds lame now that I'm actually typing it, but in reality it's kinda true. It's not entirely bad to be somewhat protective of yourself and such things. But it would be the same as being overprotective of your own child. Being overprotective can lead to many missed opportunities and experiences that would only help the personality grow and learn. Worst part is I had no idea I was doing it. And after some thinking and pondering (and googling) I came up with theories and ideas on how to break down my walls. Finally the conclusion I came to was that I just need to talk with people. Not be so deflective. If I start doing that again, someone let me know, as I'm actually very oblivious to many things. Plus my memory is horrible. And as I'm sure there was more to this little blog I wanted to say, I can't quite remember what it was.
............ oh ya... that's right.
My goal this year was to write 2 blogs a month. I'm a little behind, but after this blog is done, I'm only 2 blogs behind. Which honestly isn't too bad. And whereas I was thinking about actually disconnecting my blog from being connected to facebook (cause this blog is originally written on blogger.com)... I think I might just finish out the year with my blog being connected to the popular social network.

Well I think that's it. I still really feel there was something else I wanted to add, but I just can't.... wait... wait... nope... lost it... wait.... uhhhhhhhhh... nope... nothing.

Absently minding my own business

The following writing is being written in a sober state of mind... you have been warned.

For a friend:

I'm started thinking about the would be shouldn'ts and the could nots and thought that if I keep thinking about those thoughts that they might turn into the if's and would haves. But if I do that then would that make the shoudn'ts become the ifs and the could nots be the would haves? That's just the beginning of the thoughts that I was thinking I should think about. If I stop thinking about those thoughts and think about the dids and wants and haves and wills then the thinking of thoughts turns into the thoughts about thinking. Which leads to a road much less traveled by others when thinking about those sorts of thoughts. I think it's important to have thoughts about thinking when its calm thinking about not a crazy thought processes involving mind-evolving rock forming season changing issues that could jeapordize the whole world of gravity. Thinks could fall from no where going in an upwards direction and worlds could collide with nothing in it's way making paths for a giant intergalatic highway of emptyness. Ahh the coldness of space, felt right in your own front yard. I'm sure many of you are reading, wondering, thinking... what on earth is he talking about? Well, that's your problem. You're thinking about the wrong thoughts that I've been wondering about. Instead you should be wondering about the thinking I've been pondering instead of the thoughts that I had. I should have been thinking about the will haves and not the will do's... or is it the have do's and will wills. Nah, it's the shouldn't have wouldn'ts and the absolutely will not if dids that will be surrounding my thoughts tonight as I enter into the dream status. But my dreams are different from your dreams. MY dreams have evolved into a fantastical play of misfortune and laughter. Of mercy and chaos. It's a paradoxical realm where dogs and cats never fight. And 10 legged pig monkeys roam free in the forests of Antarctica. Flying anteaters sore through the water with the greatest of ease. Random thoughts of a will do willer is what conquers this world and keeps the intergalactic super traffic in a steady motion of ridiculousness. It's how things were meant to be done. Up is diagonal and down is forward. Trying to count stars only results in the addition of the super math known as 1 + 1 = fish. Thinking about my pondering thoughts and wondering about my curiosities have led to a very disturbing revelation that nearly shatters my vision of a dream. Dreams were never meant to be thought about. Waking up in a world of unrealities confuses the ones that were never there to begin with. It only makes sense once you heard the tree fall in the woods when no one was around.

Looking...

Looking for a job is all sorts of different types of feelings. On one hand you got your stress. "How am I gonna pay for this, or that?" Then there is the feelings of worthlessness, "I don't have a job, what am I gonna do with my life?" I think that is somewhat of a societal kind of thinking. If that makes any sense at all.
Currently, for me, it's become a thing of requirement. I require more money in order to achieve my goals. I have support from friends and family, and I'm slowly getting to where I want to get to, but I want to get there faster. The problem I'm finding is that in order to get the comfortable place financially, I'll have to get a part time job that can at least pay bills in the mean time. Problem is I can't think or find of a job that would be good part time. As is being needed with acting, freedom and flexibility is a must. I have no server exepierence though, so the food industry might not be the greatest. I suppose I could try going back to Valet stuff... that wouldn't be too bad.

Suggestions are always welcome. I don't need smartass replies of course, but then again, any idea is a pretty good idea.

I'm also curious to know some good acting workshops/classes that aren't outrageously expensive. ....

I feel there is something else I'm missing... I'm sure it'll come to me some other time. Eh.
I hate it when my brain shuts off in the middle of a blog. It's like I just ran out of energy up there or something. ... I'll probably read this whole blog later and wonder where I was going with it...
Okay... time for cookies!

High 5s

For some reason, when I sit down to start typing, before I even think about actually writting anything, I'm thinking about writing. Wait, that didn't make any sense. Let me try again...

For some reason I always have all these thoughts that I think would be good to write about, and then once I sit down to actually write about it, I completely forget about all of them. Instead I just sit here, staring at the blinking cursor in the small box that says "Title". I can never come up with a good title. It's a rarity if I do come up with one that I like. But shouldn't a title, aka "subject" be exactly that... the subject? So what am I really writing about here? Most likely nothing. I could just be rambling on about nothing important, as per my usual self, and wasting any kind of precious time that you, the reader, might have. Which, I think, in this case is exactly what I'm doing. So I suppose I should write something good then to make it a worthwhile read, no? Unless you prefer to read about nothing. Which I can most certainly do. Hmm... a subject, a subject. Well, I could start real easy and look back at the last month and see exactly what I've been doing since then. Um.. I read a book. No, it wasn't a comic book. No it wasn't a picture book either, and it's not a magazine. It was an honest to goodness book. With words, big words too! I didn't look any of them up, I just kinda guessed what they meant as I read on, but it was a book by a real life author, kind of. Well, ya... um... okay... well... no no no... it was... it's a real author pretending to abridge a book by a fictional author that wrote a very long version of the book... but didn't. Fine, I'll just tell you what I read... "The Princess Bride." Great book! It was quite some time ago that it just happened to come to my knowledge about the book. I, well not I, but well, the book was read into about a chapter or two and I just never got that out of my head. Recently it was on my brain and I've been wanting to read it, so I did, in a week, I think. I didn't really time myself, it was probably less than that. It was awesome. I'm a very incredibly picker reader. But I want to give more books a try. Nothing dumb of course, but some real famous work, none of this new crap. I'll probably start with movies and shows that are based off of books and go from there, then branch out. I did that before. It seemed to work.

I moved, I'm in Newport Beach now. I love waking up down here. I love the smell of the salt air. I love riding my bike on the beach. I love lamp. I love my bed. Oh man did I miss my awesome bed clean cloud 9 bed. I sleep diagonally every night. I can't help it. I'm not tall by any means. In fact I'm the exact same since High School. I got a queen size bed for reason that are totally beyond me now, and I can sleep diagonally every single night. It's quite nice.

I've also realized I've gotten to comfortable with living the dream that most people have. And really it shouldn't be a dream. No. I think that it's completely right to have "vacations" It makes you appreciate more the break you have from life. Not that the stress ever goes away during the vacation, but it's a nice temporary escape. Me? I've been on something longer than a vacation. And now that it's got about 4 to 6 months left, I'm stepping it up. I've gotten lazy, kinda. Too much freedom does that to a guy, ya know? And quite honestly... I love every minute of it. Sure it sucks during the day when everyone is busy, but I've gotten way to comfortable to being single and not having to check in with anyone. It's nice little happy place I've got.
Spaced out for a second...
This blog is gonna be long I think...
Going off on tangents does that, and I'm notorious for doing that.
Being single definitely has its perks... I have literally have complete freedom. Now I know a few things that some may agree with or disagree with in regards to that statement. First off I know that if you find the right person... blah blah blah... you'll want to share everything with them... blah blah blah... and you want to spend all your time with them... yadda yadda yadda. But I'm not holding my breath. I've been to 2 weddings since July, another friend got married, another sister engaged, and another friend to get married in a week, Oh and I just heard about an old friend from way back in the day getting married this weekend. Couples are forming all around the place. I suppose most people would start to feel depressed by that, or lonely. But I don't. I've gone that complete opposite way. I know as the guy I wouldn't have to do anything besides stand there, look pretty, and say I do. But right now, marriage and dating and all that stuff, just... doesn't sound fun. I'll most likely end up being "that guy"... no... not that guy, the other one... the one next to him... no no no... the nice guy on the other side of that guy. Ya... that one. I'm that guy. I know a guy who is that guy. I don't think he likes it though, he's 50+. I don't think I'll be like that though. Singularity is the best. The world is open to whatever I want to do. Once the car is payed off in a few months I'm free of any and all debt. Then the only thing holding me back is me.

I have no idea how i got there. But really, I guess I'm just happy. I'm content and happy. It took a long while to get here. A long while. But I'm a smarter, and happier guy now than when I was back in... hmmm.... 2006. And then after that. Everyday is better. I got amazing friends, new and old. And an absolutely awesome family....... and what else... I swing dance 2, maybe 3 times a week which is friggin awesome!!... Oh I have stilts! And I live by the beach! Don't be jealous. I share. Not the stilts, but I'll share everything else. Not my bed either... I like sleeping diagonally. Unless you want to curl up in a ball on the corner spot, that's fine. But I'm sleeping diagonally. Oh and I have nerf guns. And plenty of ammo for a war every night. Good times indeed. Smiles all around.

After all that, I feel that this link should be shared:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_five#Origins
Swing Dancing + High Fives = Good Times... and there is my subject title. Yay! I got one. No no no... cause this whole thing isn't about Swing Dancing... but I do love a good High Five. Okay... High Fives it is.

If you see me, give me a high Five... i luv them.

Movies and Me

It's recently come to my attention.... wait... did I write about this already? whatever. Ima write about it again. I do what I want. right... so anyways...
I've recently realized that I've become very picky, and somewhat "anal" about the special effects in movies. Mainly the quality level of computer graphic special effects. For instance, in the newest xmen movie: Wolverine, I had a issue with the green screen effects of Hugh Jackman and the exploding helicopter. The worst and most frustrating part was watching him play with his knew metal claws in the bathroom. The cheesy-ness of the claws and unrealisitc interaction between them was retarded and child like. Now don't misunderstand me. The movie was pretty awesome. The story was decent. I give it a solid B for a movie rating as superhero movies can go. Plus, as suprising to most of you, I really don't know that much about the X-Men. I know enough to get by, but I don't know backgrounds on most of the characters or who they are for that matter. But ya, I felt that the some of the cg in it was less than par and could have been SOOO much better.
I really didn't want to talk about X-Men, but instead, G.I. Joe. Growing up, I watched Transformers and other random cartoons, G.I. Joe wasn't really one of the major ones that I watched. I still watched it and knew of it, and some of the characters. So as for story goes, and the movie as a whole, I liked it. It was good, decent action scenes, I think seeing it on a big screen does it justice completely. But of course the green screen effects were quite horrible, and in particular some of the beginning cg stuff was really bad as well. There were some really good effects in the movie too of course; the hologram effects were pretty awesome. Watching the Eiffel Tower fall was also pretty fun. But there's just some other random effects that really went bad. Almost the whole G.I. Joe base was poorly done, so much green screen used. Even watching people get off of a jet was green screened. If it's a tight budget then I understand, but I'm almost positive that it wasn't. And after seeing other movies with examples of cg in them, it's tough to understand why these movies couldn't bring it up a notch. Deadlines prehaps? No clue.
I really blame my ridiculousness at critqueing such things at the fact that I've been drawn more and more into my artwork, and I worked in the industry for a little bit. Granted, I didn't study animation programs, I haven't done any animation, but I've gone to movies in the past with animators and I hear what they talk about afterwards and then see it for myself. I've played with the programs, I know it's complicated, but seeing what is capable of being done, even in a simple video game, I would imagine that they could easily do something even better in the movie industry. I'm just sayin'. Good movie, but some of the effects need more work.

Another blog for another time: The lack of creativity in Hollywood.

Something you already knew about me

I'm lazy. Well, not lazy like "fat guy watching tv" lazy... and not "sit around in my underwear playing video games all day lazy." I'm a genuine kind of lazy that actually tries to do something to benefit my mind and abilities each day. Right... I know that doesn't sound lazy at all. But the truth is, if it's TOO much work, I won't do it. I draw, photoshop flyers/pictures, animate and web design, and do random art searches to help me become more profeccient in my skills. But if it just seems like too much work I won't do it. Which of course, most people already knew about me. The reason I write this now, is cause I've actually been looking for a job. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been looking, just being overly picky about the right job, if any for that matter. But now that I'll be moving I feel that I should be more responsible and actually have a real job. The problem is, as I look at some of these jobs on monster.com I realize that I just don't have the right skill sets for some of these jobs. Plus the ones that I might actually qualify for... their just way too much work. I mean, seriously... that's a lot of work. I don't want to be responsible for that much. I know it sounds horrible, I'm well aware of that. But I want to have fun in life, not sit behind a desk and crunch numbers and do things that are boring. Sure, ifI have to do that for a little bit I will, but I'm not gonna do it for long. Only long enough to get mine; pay off the small amount on my car, save up and travel the world, or find a better job that would be way better suited for me and my wants/needs.
Personally, I think there are only two jobs that are best for me. One is being the CEO of a company. If I own the company, I don't have to do anywork. I just have to show up. Like Bruce Wayne (such a nerd reference) I wouldn't have to do anything but show up to a few meetings, sign a couple papers and then I'm out the door to enjoy life. The only other job that is still a dream, is to be an actor. I've been on sets before and it's great! Walk up, say your line, be in character, show these feelings, easy. I love it. Of course, it's a slow process and not EVERYONE gets in, I will of course do it. But in the meantime I need a real job to counteract the other "fun-ness" that needs to happen.
I know I'm not entirely lazy, and I know for sure that I'm not lazy when I work... okay maybe sometimes... but not all the time. Work needs to get done, I get it done. Nuff said right? I'm just lazy trying to find the right job. One that isn't so demanding. I suppose I shouldn't be so picky though. Eh... I think I just convinced myself to apply for the tuff jobs anyways. Who knows, maybe it pays enough to buy a small company that I can be CEO of. Hahahaha.

“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams” -Arthur O'Shaughnessy

That time of year again...

No... not for my shower... that's still for a couple of months. I'm talking about the Annual Comic Convention. Or as it is more commonly known as, The San Diego Comic-Con. For those of you who don't know what it is allow me to give you some brief insight. The "comic-con" is a convention for practically ALL things nerd. You like star wars? It's there. You like star trek? You might see a few things. You like Comic Books and Superheros? Absolutely. What about Japanese animation you ask? Sure thing. It's all there. Everything from random possibly obscure video games, to random obscure comic books and cartoons. Costumes are also ever present there as you can purchase some, or come with your own, as many many people often do. Not to mention that every TYPE of nerd is there as well. Unfortunately, and it disappoints me to a certain degree, I did NOT see anyone with a uni brow. I did notice more fat nerds, and the ever popular "Ode Du Nerd" which is a fancy way of saying disgusting nerd sweat. And there were a few times while standing in line that I swear I think the overweight guy behind totally crapped his pants. No joke. I think he did.
So there you have it. A semi brief rundown of what exactly it is.
I'm sure some of you have questions, so let me to clear some stuff up.
1. I'm a nerd and a dork.
2. I'm not that kind of nerd. Meaning: I don't like, nor have I ever played World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons, OR Magic the gathering. I don't know Star Wars trivia. I don't know Star Trek Trivia. I barely even know any comic book trivia. In fact, I only know enough about comic books to get me by in a conversation with the uber comic book nerds.
3. No I haven't dressed up. No I'm not planning on dressing up. No, I will not be dressing up for the convention anytime soon. Wait... take that back.. Only until I become super rich and famous will I start doing that. But it will probably just be a mask so I can walk around undetected amongst the lower nerds. hahahaha
4. I don't have anything else to answer here, but 4 was a pretty good number to stop on I think.

If I don't know much about this stuff, and I don't dress up, and I'm not THAT big of a nerd, then why do I go? Because Hollywood has been taking over the convention. I love movies. The panels have tons and tons of stars there and I love hearing and seeing the new trailers, inside information and the interaction between the actors and directors and writers as they converse about making the movie.
Plus, I'll admit to the fact that it makes me feel pretty good at times not to be "that guy" over there dressed as a medieval fighter looking all kinds of queer with his fake sword and funny pose.
What? I'm just saying. I wouldn't want to be stopped every 5 seconds so some other clown with a camera can take my picture.

So... on to my trip details:
Wednesday I arrived, and walked around the exhibit hall where there all the booths and free "crap" is given away. As well as some exclusive merchandise will be sold that you won't be able to get anywhere else.
Thursday: ended up being another day in the exhibit hall as I wasn't able to get into any of the panels I wanted to see, nor was I able to get into the free movie screening of District 9.
Friday: Same.
Saturday: FINALLY got into Hall H. Hall H is the biggest room they have and can hold 6500 people. I stood in line 3 hours before the screening I wanted to started and got in in 2 hours. Long time I know, but well worth it. I got to see some awesome stuff about the movie Extract, ZombieLand, 2012, and my personal favorite... Ironman 2. Oh ya. That was a super awesome rad panel to sit in on. Amazing trailer, great questions, fantastic actors who all made the effort to show up. Just absolutely amazing. I have some pictures and footage, but refuse to post those. So if you want to see them... you'll just have to find me in person and see them with me.

All in all it was good times. The days I didn't get into panels I was actually able to meet some pretty famous actors and get photos with them. I got a picture with Breckin Meyer, Milo Ventimiglia from Heroes, and I ALMOST... so so so so so so close had a picture with Seth Green.
Here's my last story for the blog and then I'm back to sorting threw my 353 photos from the trip.
So I'm standing at some random anime/model store/booth with my friend George on Friday. I'm bored and start looking around. I see this guy, a little smaller than me, with a hat on real low, dart through the booth looking around real quick. I recognize him as Seth Green. I immediately decided NOT to yell out his name and be that guy who calls attention to someone trying to hide. Instead I chase him down real quick, and ask for a quick picture, he agrees. As I bring my camera up to take the picture he tries to take it from me to take the picture from his arm instead of mine. But I had the small strap on the camera wrapped onto my wrist. I tried to take the picture, no flash... but I knew I had turned the flash off cause there was plenty of light. He asks me if I got it, and I told him "ya ya ya, don't worry about it, it's cool." I didn't want to keep him there too long as I figured he was already in a rush and waiting any longer would drive people to him. After he walked away, I looked at my camera and apparently the settings buttons had gotten touched and the picture never took. I was honestly really bummed about it and still a little bit still. There's my random cheesy "I saw a celebrity" story. Never thought I'd have one of those, and after typing it up I actually feel more lame. Yay!!

I have more stories, but I think this blog has gone on long enough, so I'll save it for another day.
Pictures to follow soon on facebook, myspace and photobucket. I'll update this blog with a link to photobucket soon.

"You keep using that word..."

I really just like that quote. I've been using it a lot lately. I feel like I should be blogging right now. I've accomplished a lot today in preparation for my trip to Comic-Con. I probably shouldn't be going as money has gotten tighter. But ya know what? I have free tickets, so I don't care. And I have some money in savings, so I'm not too worried. Just requires a little bit of self control.

Now for something completely different...

Let's see, for starters I had a lot of family in town for 2 weeks, which was pretty fun. A little crazy and I didn't get to swing dance much or visit with friends, but I got to see family that I haven't seen much of, so that was fun. My sister's wedding was pretty awesome. It went REALLY super fast. And if you find me on facebook, you can see all the amazing pictures I have from that wonderful day. It was quite a site to behold. For starters we made faces, we as in my sisters and I. Faces faces faces. Even WHILE the wedding was going, there was face making going on. The video should be interesting to watch. And yes, there are actual pictures of me JUST smiling. I know it's hard to believe. Some of the cool things that happened aside from the epic face making pictures, was the dancing. My mom's side of the family, my sisters, and cousins and Susi's fiance Shawn (yes, they are engaged now, I'll talk about that in a minute) were ALL dancing. It was so much fun. I did some swing dancing with my awesome Grandma (Oma for those Dutch people out there). I love my Grandma so much and it was so awesome of her to actually take some lessons before coming out. She was so cute about how excited she was to be able to dance with me. Needless to say, we were awesome. I danced with my mom, Kim, Sue, and uh... I'm sure there's someone else in there. It was a great party. Even looking at the pictures, you'd be surprised to know that there was NO alcohol there. Hard to believe considering how much fun we had... but hey... that's my family for ya.

So ya, Susi is engaged to get married... finally. Yay!!! I was, and still am SO excited. Susi and Shawn have been together quite some time, so it kinda feels like they have already been married. Shawn is already part of the family, and I know for a fact that their wedding is gonna be pretty legendary as they are both dancers and both sides of the family are crazy fun outgoing large groups of people. Shawn took Susi to Europe, and proposed to her at sunset at a quaint restaurant over-looking the Mediterranean Sea... if I have that correctly. Lucky for me, I saw the ring when I was out in New York this last June. So now... apparently, I'm the last one. And oddly enough, I don't feel weird about it. In fact, nothing about my sisters' being married is weird to me. What might be weird is when I become an uncle. But I think that might be more rad than weird. Or just a weird radness that I can enjoy.

Let's see... what else did I want to write about. My photoshop pictures have gotten better, my flyer work hasn't... I feel like I'm loosing juice on the flyers. The website isn't too bad, but I have some expectations and wants for a better look, that I'm never satisfied with what I've done after I've done it. My own worst critic I know. My comic strips aren't too bad either. I'm thoroughly enjoying my digital camera. So many more pictures than before... Most likely TONS of pictures and blogging from Comic-con will happen. And just an FYI, comic-con isn't a total nerd thing anymore. It's really just the title of the convention that's nerdy. Sure there are some comic-book and star wars stuff. But being that Hollywood has completely over taken it, it's become a sanctuary for all things Hollywood really. Movie previews, movie stars, TV shows, and all the actors and producers and directors fans could want. That's what it's all about, not to mention all the freebies that you can get, that aren't typically just crap merchandising tools and throw away plastic baubles that just take up space in that spare drawer you call a junk drawer. No sir. T-shirts and posters that are of fairly high quality. Pretty awesome if you ask me, which I'm sure you would if you wanted to know more.

So, here I am at the end of my blog, probably with more to say that I can't think of at the moment... I just realized that this blog is attached to my facebook. Hahaha... I forgot about that... I tend to blog and then it goes to my facebook and annoys... i mean... announces that I've written something to everyone. Eh. For those who don't know, I'm writing on blogger.com.
And as my final words:
Congrats to both my sisters; Kim for getting married, and Susi and Shawn on their engagement. Good times will most definitely follow. Whoo Hoo!

[title of blog]

So apparently June doesn't get any blogs. June isn't really a bad month, good things have sprouted from that month; my parents getting married for one, and uh... that's about it. This last June of course, wasn't bad though. I flew to New York with my friend George for a week to visit my sister and hang out, which was of course AWESOME. Many many many great pictures. I got a new camera in May and since then I've gone absolutely crazy with it. So many more pictures. I've also learned how to walk on stilts. Did I write that already? Sheesh, I don't even remember. Doesn't really matter anyways. I really came on here to just kinda empty my brain for a bit. So much is going on lately it seems. I've been playing the "cave dweller hermit matt" game for a few weeks, plus there's been announcement after announcement about weddings. So far I've heard about at least 3 or 4 breakups, 2 divorces and 3 engagements, 3 weddings. I'm kinda sick of it actually. One of which is my own sister's wedding. Which is great, I love my sister, and as far as I can tell the guy is really cool. Wedding happens on this saturday the 11th. It's ridiculous. So much family. Soooooooo much work. I always thought that it would be awesome to have this HUGE party and reception and such things, but man, too much work. I don't want that much work. Not that the groom has to do much except nod his head and agree to whatever. But honestly, too much work. I love the grandeur of a massive party and celebration, but I think when there is this much work involved it's just not worth it. Not to mention all the people who get hurt in the process. I've kept my mouth shut on a lot of stuff, it's not my wedding, so what do I care. But it still sucks to watch certain people get hurt or hear about different tiffs and arguements involved with the planning. How irritating.
Aside from that, just hearing about all these people getting married and break-ups, and getting together and other such craziness. It's just insane! I find myself quite confused. On one hand I feel the lonliness of not having the female of my dreams by myside and seeing that happy future. On the other hand... I'm quite happy NOT having someone. It's a give and take feeling I suppose. I'm enjoying my time on my own nonetheless and it feels pretty good. Aside from the insomnia, and random nightmares that do occur, I'm happy. A little impatient at times for life to move faster to get to the way better parts. But still good. I've almost decided that I don't want to get married. I'm sure that will change once the right person comes around, but right now, it doesn't sound like much fun.

Now for something compeltely different:
I'm moving in August, hopefully. So far it's pretty solid. I'm very excited. Can't wait to move to Newport and finally live outside of my parents place. So many things planned between now and then too, bonfire, san diego, then moving, then a wedding, then another wedding, then stilt walking at the playboy mansion. Ya, that's what I said, you read that right. That should be quite interesting. And hopefully this freelance art work I've been doing actually takes off.
Things are moving at a moderate pace, I just wish I could crack the whip to get it moving faster.
Oh, and my wonderful mother is ALREADY talking about my 30th birthday. I still got 6 months! What to do, what to do. I think I might be on a cruise... might being the keyword.

alright, I write another time. I'm out.

48 minute blog

It's approx. 1:53am.. ok, not approx. it IS 1:53am at the time of this writing. I'm not tired and I don't sleep well as it is if you're curious. And forgive my laziness if I don't have correct grammar and punctuation during the course of this blog as I'm going to kinda just "shut my brain off" and start typing.
As most of you know (whoever that is in the internet world) I've been drawing. I've been drawing a lot. A lot more than I'm used to. Which is awesome. And it's slowly opened my brain up more and more as I continue to draw. But at the same time I've noticed myself become more and more introverted because of it. Now bare with me here as my A.D.D. seems to be pretty close to it's peak at this time of night (3 am is the worst if you're taking notes). I just finished watching the movie "Cashback". It's a foreign film that has easily been pushed to the 20 at least, on my list. It's a story about an insomniac artist who had a bad break up, and is now working the night shift at a grocery store. Eventually he learns that he can litterally stop time. Now there is a LOT of nudity, some british humor, and some amazing art work. Now I'm not typically one for a love story, as I find it unrealisitic and slightly boring, not to mention (depending on my state of mood) depressing. But this story was amazing. The characters are endearing; each one with their own quirky personality. I was drawn into the story line. The artist in me came out multiple times and I almost wanted to pause the movie just so I could draw some of the scenes I saw. I would say it was inspiring, but I honestly don't feel inspiried. But at the same time, I felt that I hadn't wasted time watching it and would gladly watch it again, or try and buy it outright. If you don't mind the foriegn flicks, and a love story, with some crude humor, and a lot of nudity in the way of artistic models posing, then this is a great movie for you. That's a lot of prerequists for a movie, isn't it?
Now on to one the main reasons I started writing. And the only reason I post this blog on a public forum then opposed to my own personal collection of hand writings in a journal or computer text file (cause I don't already have hundreds of those) or my own personal online blog for my eyes only... the only reason I post this hear is that maybe the people that know me best, or have at least read these blogs and have a small inkling of who I am, might be able to offer some insight into my personal dilema. How many times did I jsut say personal? Too many, I know. (focus matt, focus)
Tonight... no... actually, all day today I've been outa sorts. Just... not spacing out as I've done in the past, just not with it. Listless, lifeless, but not lazy. I feel a bit discouraged. I feel a bit impatient. I take that back, I'm growing more impatient. Impatient with people, impatient with my situation, impatient at my own learning speed. I've been having a difficult time pushing forward. There's so many things I want to do, and I want to do them all a week ago, yesterday, or today. I don't want to wait for tomorrow. I know what I want and I want to do it now. But certain restrictions have occured that hold me back from accomplishing such things. I'm tired of people doubting me. I'm going to accomplish everything I set out to do. I'm going to prove that I can do it, and that you "nay-sayers" were wrong. And yes I just said "nay-sayers", so what?
It's not just the impatience though. I'm tired of being where I am. I'm tired of the stagnation that happens around me. I want more change, more excitement. I'm being careful not to get confused with want or need. I remember growing up, I think I went to my dad once or twice and would say the oh-so-famous-words "I NEED it Dad!!". His reply was simple, "You don't need it, you want it. There's a difference, and you need to learn that." Hence the reason I'm being careful for my word choice. I'm not sure what I need anymore. I'm more than positive of what I want. I'm more than aware of my impatienceness. I'm also completely aware of some deepseeded issues that I've previously thought I had delt with, that apparently haven't completely diluted into my subconscious. Maybe it's all those reasons that I'm out of it. I've been trying to focus on the positive of course, as I always try and do. I got a new camera. I've been drawing and quite proud of the word I've done so far. I even got plane tickets to go see my sister in New York with my friend George. I've slowly gotten a tiny bit better at swing dancing. I'm healthy, alive and breathing well. Could I just be discouraged and... not sad... more like bummed out (the term "bummed-out" is one level above sad, so after being bummed-out, then it would sadness, then it would be depression, just a small fyi)... where was I? oh right, blah blah blah, discouraged, bummed-out... because... uh... because... hmmm... well I got nothing. I don't exactly know why. Some things kinda get me down a little bit, but not one thing completely really bums me out. Sure I know things could be worse, and I'm almost positive I'll hear from somebody about how crappy life is for them. But honestly, does that make anyone feel better?? Not to sound selfish here or anything, I mean it is my blog and all, but honestly. When you are talking to someone and just kinda whining and complaining about how crappy things are, do you REALLY wanta hear about the crappiness that someone else is having?? I don't think so. You complain and "bitch" because you want them to just listen, nod and smile and maybe give some positive feedback to help you unfocus on the crap that you feel might be your life. Sure things could be worse. Hell, things could be a LOT worse. You could have no legs, or no arms, or have to use a computer to talk for you. You could be severely mangeled in a car accident and no even reconizable by your own family. Ya, that would suck. You could lose your hands... YOUR HANDS! Do you have ANY idea how much that would SUCK!? You could grab anything. Ya, I've thought of that. But you know what, that's not my problem right now, and there's no point in thinking about that.

Did I just rant? hahaha. I think did. I honestly have no idea what I've just writen. Hopefully it wasn't too much of a "bitch fest". I've been pretty good about not doing that. I suppose just needed to rant some stuff. I have no idea who actually reads this, not to mention that I really don't care. It's more or less just something I can put out there to prove that I have nothing to hide. My stomach hurts... did I eat today? eh.
I'm never good at ending these things. Well at least not today... so how about a picture to go along with this? I drew it on the computer, not bad huh? I added my own personal watermark to it, hopefully nobody steals it. 2:40am. I've almost been writing for a full hour. Is that good?


P.S. I hit my two blogs for the month, should I stop while I'm ahead?

Title goes here

So let's see, last time I wrote I bragged about my family. Apparently I only wrote once last month. I'll try and aim for two times this month. I suppose I should just cover the bases here and give a brief update but then, who reads this blog anyways? Eh, I'll do it for prosperity's sake.
So as everyone knows by now, I've been swing dancing... A LOT. I've been trying to get better at it and be more comfortable with new moves and eventually maybe possibly start trying to get some new stylized foot work, maybe. I've learned that I really don't like Balboa, but at the same time it would be nice to be able to dance to it on a fast song. So with that said, I'm pushing through my dislike for it and going to continue to better myself by learning something I don't get very easily.
Aside from the dancing 3 to 4 times a week, I've been drawing a lot more. I've been doing some comic-strip in a newsletter for the dance studio I attend. It's pretty cool, I've been getting back in it and it's fun. I've also been working on a website for a friend of mine, it's turning out pretty good. If you anyone plans on going to a club in LA hit me up, I know a guy... hahaha. But seriously, I know a guy.
Check out his site http://goodlyfentertainment.com/
I'm still working on it, and a substantial update will be arriving soon. Just know that I created the logo and everything from scratch. I'm quite proud of it.
I also started playing with my flipvideo camera some more, I made a small 11 second video that turned out kinda cool. Nothing special, but again, I'm proud of it cause it was a cool simple effect I could do with some simple editing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzJhNeHm4Mk

So ya, let's see, drawing a comic strip, animating a website, making some videos, swing dancing... Oh ya... I guess I'll do my movie review now.

I saw X-men Origins: Wolverine tonight. To keep it real simple here.
I felt the acting was decent. How well can you really act as a superhero without going too cheesy? Am I right?
The story was good and pretty solid. Not much of a plot twist, but still intriguing and creative.
The writing was also pretty good, except for some cheesy one liners or other random things that just came off TOO cliche for my liking.
At this point I'd just like to say that I really enjoyed the movie, I probably wouldn't mind seeing it again, but I'll probably wait till video. I'm a huge comic book nerd (more DC than Marvel) and I really enjoyed seeing some of these super heroes and villains duke it out and show off their strengths. The only problem I had with the whole movie was the special effects. I expected more. A lot more. In the second movie Nightcrawler did some amazing stuff. He's not in this one of course, but being that technology has advanced since then and special effects of that particular caliber have gone down maybe a little bit in price, it would only be a likely assumption that the quality of "special effects" would go up. But no. Green effects were a bit shotty at times and poor Wolverine's claws looked more like inflatable gloves then actual metal knives sticking out of his hands. I could have made better looking claws with foil, cardboard, and those hulk gloves. Maybe it's just my supernerdom coming out, or the fact that most of the super hero movies I've seen in the theaters were with other animators, and their picky-ness of computer animation wore off on me. Who knows. All I know is that it got to me and bugged me in certain scenes.
But like I said, all in all it was a great movie and I highly recomend seeing it on the big screen. Maybe just not with so many obnoxious smartass screaming nerds.

So ya, I suppose that's it. 3:16am and I'm still not tired. I should be due to all the weird dreams and lack of sleep I've had for the past two weeks. Really weird colorful and slightly fantastic dreams. Fantastic as in "Willy Wonka's waterfall candyland paradise" fantastic, not fantastic as in "I just woke up and feel so Zip-a-dee-do-dah happy I look high" fantastic. I know that made sense. and if it didn't read it again till it does.

P.S. I'm not Robin a n y m o r e. HA!

Bragging about my family.

Reasons why I love my family:
Mom: "You know what's amazing to me?"
Me: "Velcro!"
Mom:"No.... I'm kinda over velcro now."

From what I hear in the other room:
Mom: "You know what?"
Dad: "Nope, never met him."

Calling my sister in New York
*cell phone ringing*
Susi: "Hello my Awesome Brother"
Me: "Hello my Awesome Sister"

Sitting at the dinner table with the parental units and one or both of my sisters, really doesn't matter in this situation, but we'll pretend it's my youngest sister Kim.
*awkward silence*
Kim looks up at me.
I look at Kim.
Kim opens her mouth to show chewed food.
I open my mouth and food falls out.
All without the parents seeing.

or...

Kim looks up.
I look up.
We start laughing.
Mom asks: "What's so funny?"
We start laughing even harder.

One liner jokes my sisters and I have:
Susi (with an exaggerated southern accent): "I'm a cowtipper. I wasn't PROP-erly raaaaiiiiised..." there's more to this one... but that's good right there.

Me: "Great Scott!"
Kim: "Sprecken de deuche"
Me: "Why do you always say that?"
Kim: "Oh heaven's no"
Me: "Good gracious"
There's about 5 more one liners to go with that dialog.

My mother is super awesome and rad, she's not one for the spotlight at all, but she could totally do anything she wanted. She's an amazing seamstress and costume designer, and almost always has a smile on her face (I just realized that oddly enough).
My dad is one of the greatest men I've ever known. He also always has a smile on his face. He's one of the biggest goofballs I know, but that's exactly what makes him so much fun. Smart and strong willed, almost nothing will get him down.

Some people might look at my life, or things that have happened to my family growing up, been witness or hear about random events that have befallen my family, and think how unfortunate we might have been, or how unlucky we are. But quite honestly, and has horrible as it might sound, I'm glad that stuff happened. We've grown stronger and wiser from those unfortunate mishaps along the way and not only have grown stronger in ourselves, but closer as a family as well. I'm one of the richest guys on the planet. My family is awesome. If you've never had dinner with my sisters, my parents and I, I highly suggest you do. At some point everyone needs to laugh so hard that their face hurts from smiling, and their stomach hurts from laughing.

Not sure why exactly I'm blogging about this now, but I had just been thinking about it last weekend, and realized just how lucky I am to have such an awesome family. I'll end with this brief semi-comical and smartass conversation I had with my mother.

Me: "You know what I realized?"
Mother: "No telling. What?"
Me: "I'm pretty awesome. And I figure that if I'M pretty awesome, then YOU must be pretty awesome too. Cause you raised me to be awesome, so you would have to be awesome too."
Mother: (laughing) "Ya, I suppose so."
Me: "It's a shame that nobody else realizes just how awesome we are, ya know?"
Mother: "Ya, a real shame."
Me: "Ya, too bad. But, ya know... someone's gotta do it."
Mother: "Might as well be you then huh?"
Me: (sigh) "Ya, I guess so."


I just read this whole thing, and it seems pretty conceited. But I'm gonna allow it. I think I can be conceited about my family. If you know me, you know I'm not conceited, and neither is my family. I just felt like bragging about my family and uh... ya... that's about it I guess.

What a weekend...

This weekend was the 3rd annual Danceathon... or was it the 4th? Eh... I'm too lazy to look it up. For those of you who DON'T know what a danceathon is, specfically in this case it is a 24 hour Swing Dancing Marathon for Cancer. People came from all over to Irvine, CA at a very massive Executive 24 hour fitness. And let me tell you, it was nice... very nice. Huge everything in that place. Shesha Marvin and his wife Nikki did an AMAZING job pulling this thing together. It was my first year and wasn't quite sure what to expect. As most of my friends know, I've been swing dancing a crapton and (crapton isn't underlined as a misspelled word, how odd)... I went to this thing thinking I could make it the whole time. Allow me to quote Zapp Brannigan from Futurama and say "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." I don't drink caffeen and I don't really drink alcohol much either, very very quite rare if I do. Mainly it's just water. Luckily for me there was a ton of water, and food everywhere. I came with 3 sets of clothing cause i knew I would be a sweaty mess after a few hours of dancing. I danced as much as I could and didn't sleep one wink. I last 17.5 hours. I took 67 videos which totalled to 44 min and 48 seconds. I have no idea how many pictures were taken, cause I don't have a camera in which to take pictures with, but I have about 13 pictures of myself swing dancing. I just realized that this whole blog is kinda all over the place with information. Whatever. I had a great time swing dancing, and heard some amazing bands as well. The only reason I couldn't keep going is because of my legs. I was still wide awake, and could have kept going, but my legs just didn't want to move anymore. If anything, it gave me the energy to be an even better swing dancer and to push harder to accomplish that.

On a side note, it appears I might be flying out to see my sister in NY. Which would be awesome, and if things go according to plan, I'll be getting some headshots while I'm out there.
Videos are uploaded to here http://www.youtube.com/user/MTJokerProductions
Pictures are uploaded on both facebook and myspace.

A small update on me and a movie a review as a bonus

So, I've been feeling like I should have written something awhile ago. I've been having an itch to write, just never got around to it. And now seems like a better time than ever. Ya, it's 3:37am, but that's usual for me.
I suppose I'll start with some updates. Most of you already know this about me, especially since I talk to everyone on facebook now, but I've been swing dancing... a LOT! It's great. I forgot how much I love it. Some songs are still a little tuff to dance to, and I sit a few out. But I'm still out there dancing as much as I can. I'd like to think I've gotten better since the beginning of the year, or at the very least since a couple of years ago. Tuesday at Atomic, Wednesday at Strutters, and Friday at Atomic again. Those are my nights. I've also gotten in the habit of dressing nicer, whenever I go out of the house. I really like button up shirts and sporting a nice coat or jacket if I can. I'm taking a bit more care in my appearance, and I think it kinda shows. I'm totally getting into swing dancing.
The learning of french is slow and methodical but it's still progressing. Trying not to be lazy isn't easy. Aside from that, nothing else has really changed. I'm quite satisfied being single at the moment. I'm still learning things about myself that I didn't realize until recently. Did anyone else know that I'm a flirt? And how did I JUST figure that out? Was it always so obvious? I'm just being me, a smart-ass with a lot of quick wit. Looking forward to the next few months. I got some very good energy feelings going on. Oh, that's another thing. For some reason I've been more in tune with the positive and negative energy (I suppose it's called Aura) of people. It's kinda cool to me and I don't know when it started, but I pick up on more subtle things from people and get really weird sensations when it comes to a room of people.

On a completely different note, I saw the movie Watchmen. I read the book first of course, thanks to a very kind nerd. After reading the book, I had a new appreciate for graphic novels. Real graphic novels, not the 5 pages of art work and 10 pages of adds that are in the front of the bookstore by the newspapers. I'm talking about the books that are over 100 pages with a very deep story line. Watchmen had a lot of politics involved in it, which I suppose should have turned be off to the subject matter, but instead only drew me in more. Between the compelling story and enriching character development, as well as the great artwork that only complimented the story that much more, I honestly became a fan of it. I wouldn't say that I would dress up as any one character of course, but I am a fan. I think I ended up reading through the whole book in two days. I didn't even take a break to play video games, I literally just kept reading. Oddly enough I found myself identifying with Dan Dreiberg, aka The Nite Owl. Of course I loved the personalities of both The Comedian and Rorschach, but I couldn't relate to them as I could Dreiberg. I'm still trying to figure out why of course. Both The Comedian and Rorschach have that "I don't care attitude" and badass behavior that makes people go crazy for them in the movies or books. But Dreiberg is a bit more complicated. When it came to the novel he had more confidence putting on a mask then when he was by himself. A very mild-mannered Clark Kent and outgoing Superman persona, and I do hate making that reference. But to some degree it's true. Dreiberg is that, haha, and I quote Swingers when I say "The Pg-13 Guy who you are really hopin' gets the girl, not the rated R guy who you're not quite sure of." I'm sure I'll figure out more of why I relate to him later, but as for this blog, I got nothing. So, the movie. Without giving ANYTHING away, the movie did the book justice. Of course they had to cut some scenes out and modify the story just a very tiny bit, but I felt that that "creative editing" was ok. They did just an absolutely AMAZING job with the cinematics and the special effects. Dr. Manhattan looks incredible. And getting certain key frames from the book onto film was just a fantastic job. All in all I felt that they did a wonderful job with transferring the book to film and it makes me want to read it all over again. Of course, a few key elements of the movie I could have done with out, but that might be just me. If you read the book and saw the movie PLEASE contact me. I no longer have anyone to talk intelligent nerd conversation with when it comes to specific "nerdom" (video games, graphic novels turned movies, and other various subject matter of the aforementioned nerd type).

I suppose I should try for some sleep now. I have two rants I want to go off on, completely different subject material that can probably wait for a different day and blog. I end with one of my most favorite quotes from the movie:
"Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle."
- Dr. Manhattan (I think I like the movie version better though, I've developed a bit of a hopeless romantic side, *shrugs* whatever)


P.S. I see your P.S. and I raise you a P.S.
P.S.S. I miss Venture Brothers and Number 24

My first random rant of the year

You know what really grinds my gears? Graffiti. If I was going to "tag" some wall or some place I would make sure that I wrote in English so that everyone understood what I was saying, and I'd write some nickname or some random thing saying I was there. Random symbols are retarded. When did being in a gang mean that you are now part of the caveman society and can only do random hieroglyphics that don't even translate into anything. Really? Seriously? You are going to make a bunch of lines that don't represent any known letter or sound in any language on the side of the freeway? And why the bathroom? Why the mirror in the bathroom? Do you carry an x-acto knife everywhere with you just so you can make your preschool like lines and shapes to show off to the rest of your cave dwelling down-syndrome friends? Come-on man. Write something legible at least. Please? It's gotten so bad that they take mirrors out of the bathrooms now. How dumb. Don't get me wrong though, the actual "street art" that you do find that has multiple colors and you are able to read is awesome. I think I still have a picture somewhere of the word "Phart". Very awesome indeed. It's just a annoying to me when I drive around and see black lines that ... well... it looks like the letter K exploded and was then amputated with parts of the letter M and T. Absolutely ridiculous I say.

My privates made public... wait... uh...

What I meant was, I was going to write a private blog, but I decided that maybe a public blog would be best as it might allow others to offer feedback or... maybe I might enlighten someone.

My one standing belief since I was a kid was fun. Yes. Fun. I believe in fun. Sure, I got my christian based faith, and values to an extent. But that's faith and religion. What I believe in when it comes to life is fun. What does that mean? Glad you asked, let me explain. When I was in grade school, I remember the teacher asking us to write down what we wanted to be when we grow up, what was our goals in life, what did we want to do, or become. I remember so clearly thinking about it. Just thinking, long and hard, staring at a blank lined piece of paper. I honestly don't remember what I wrote down. But I do remember what I was thinking. I remember that all I wanted to do with my life was have fun. I wanted to have fun for the rest of my life. I wanted to laugh and play and have fun. Didn't matter what it was. As a kid there's a certain innocence one might have. Some lose that "child's innocence" early on in life, for others it takes a bit longer.
Quick memo here:
When I say "child's innocence" I want to be clear as to what I mean. Remember pretending? Remember playing make-believe? Remember how you could create whole worlds with just your imagination? How spending time with just the most mundane objects in your room took up hours if not days of your time, and you enjoyed every minute of it? That's the "child's innocence" I'm talking about. Being able to have fun for hours on end doing practically nothing, with practically nothing but a few objects.

Now then, back to what I was saying. I wanted... no... want.. to have fun in my life. I've never lost that dream. All the way through high school, the question would come up, "What do you want to do with your life?" "What are you going to be when you grow up?". Apparently it was assumed that I would have to grow up. But why? Why must I grow up? Become responsible, yes. I agree, that comes with the territory of surviving in everyday life. But what happened to having fun? Why can't I laugh a little every day, or do something fun and joyful every day? Why can't I just be me every day? When I grow up I want to be me, I want to be a responsible 12 year old. I think I've done pretty well so far.

Now don't get me wrong. I understand that money is needed to survive. If anyone knows that, I do. I've been financially stable, as well as completely and utterly financially wrecked. But I gotta say, I had more fun being wrecked, then being stable. I've almost discovered a happy balance between the two. Not struggling, but not well off. To laugh and play a little each day is a great joy to me. And once I get that job, that dream job, I know life will be on the way to perfection that only I can appreciate. Perfection is totally and utterly in the eye of the beholder. And usually, only optimists can see it.

So. I believe in fun. I believe in me. I believe that I can do, and will do anything I want. I might be 29, but I'm not anywhere close to death. I know there are good things on the horizon for me. I have faith in many things, some may be foolish to others (which is just a lack of understanding) and may be brilliant to few. But it doesn't matter. I'm still a child at heart and I believe that I can have fun. I will grow and become a better person, but not to the extent and the lengths as to forget my childhood dream of having fun.

I strongly believe it is possible. Nothing is impossible. I will prove it. I will stand tall and laugh manically because... well... because that would be fun, and funny. You'll see... YOU'll ALL SEE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!



Now I don't normally read my own blogs, nor do I really think about what I'm writing... but I have a good feeling what I just wrote, was pretty good. I'll read it later.

"Sometimes I start a sentance and I don't even know where it's going." - Michael Scott

I'm writing because sometimes I have to write. Wait, that... that didn't make any sense. Every so often people come into your life and do amazing things for you or to you. When I use the word amazing, keep in mind that I'm using it as a general term and not specific to good or bad. It's these random encounters with these people that make us who we are. Due to their actions and/or presence in our lives, our personality will be formed accordingly. We all make different choices because of them. Sometimes these people come into our lives for a short period, other times its for the rest of our lives. I can honestly say that during the course of my life, which is hardly that long at all, I've met a lot of people. Many of them from Disneyland, both working and playing there. I am thankful for every person I have ever encountered. Every experience I've had with these remarkable people. Wait...I know, I know. This blog seems a little bit deep, and possibly one sided. I'll try and explain it better. About 5 to 6 times a week, I do a small 5 minute meditation and just relax my brain and find an inner peace in myself that really rejuvenates me. At the same time I tend to sort through old memories, and new thoughts. As I continually try and improve myself and be a better person, I realize different things as I go along in life. This blog's sole purpose is just a public reminder to not only myself, but to anyone else out there, that no matter how bad life is, or how bad a person is, they have had some positive influence in your life. Sure, we all know all the good things a person might do for you, that goes without saying. Everyone will hear about it from you about how great they were, or how awesome it was that they did this or that. But there's so much negativity when it comes to the bad things that happened. I'd like to think that when the majority of bad things that have happened in my life happened, I'd look back and think about what I could learn from that experience. Even with bad things happening all around, you can always learn from those mistakes or those people or something to better yourself, to learn and grow and make sure it doesn't happen again. My friends will gladly point out a few flaws in my choices I'm sure, and I'm trying my best to work on that. But you gotta be positive. Like I said in the beginning, people come into your life all the time, and sometimes, even if you don't want to, you have to say thanks. And when those people leave, sometimes for good, you have to be willing to say good bye.... and thank you. Life is too short to hold grudges and be negative towards people. You never know what could happen to them in their life and this planet is SOOO small that it's very plausible for life paths to cross numerous times.
So with that, keep smiling and laughing, cause you never know whose life you might brighten with that smile or laugh.

*the end*

Youtube, swing dancing, and too much time...

So for starters, my birthday was AWESOME! I'd like to thank George for allowing me to destroy his house with about 20-30 people. I'd also like to thank all those people that were able to make it down for my 29th. I really appreciate all the laughs and good times you guys provide... otherwise I wouldn't have invited you. If you didn't go, then you missed out. I'm really happy that my "little brother" Ryan got to come down too. I really made out pretty good on presents, DVD player, Wii points, gift cards, semi automatic chain gun Nerf gun and an Xbox 360 elite. Oh yes, I'm 29 years old. So what? I do find myself playing Megaman 9 more then anything else though. I also got Rosetta Stone like I wanted, and I've been swing dancing more than I have in a long time. It feels GREAT to finally get out and do something active and semi creative. I'm actually quite proud of myself. I've been going regularly on Wednesdays now since the beginning of the year and last week I've been on Friday and Saturday. I've rectified the knee issue by not succumbing to idiocy knee pops and being smoother with simplified kicking.
I've also started posting on youtube. Yes... youtube. You read that right. Just some simple stuff. I've created two accounts one for my own personal videos and another for more, kinda sorta, production work. I'm trying to learn Adobe Premier, but haven't learned the lingo yet.

Ummmm... I don't really think there is much else to say. I got my uncle to swing dance, which is fricken amazing! I'm so proud of that... Guy. He kinda likes it too! I've really be in the right mentality when I go swing dancing. I can't really explain it, but I feel... dang it, I wanta use the word exuberance but I'm not entirely sure how to use it in this sentence. But ya, I feel that word right there... exuberance. Well, I think that's about it really. There was something else I wanted to say, but I suppose that will be left for an entirely different blog since my memory fails me at the moment.

*sniff sniff* mmmmmmmmm cookies....

29 times around the sun, and only one birthday wish

So, 29 times around the sun now. I still look young, I still feel young.... *sniff sniff* I don't smell like an old person. I think I'm in a great place in my life. I'm single and almost debt free. Soon I will be able to do and go anywhere in the world. I'm actually going to go places and see things. Gonna learn to Salsa this year at some point. I'm also in the process of learning French, Dutch and Japanese. I'll also be working on my swing dancing skills. I'm doing things this year because I want to.

At some point in your life, you will look back. You will hit a memory road, you'll remember good times with those great friends. You might remember those old lovers. You might also remember all those empty promises you made to yourself or that others made to you. Then, at that moment of inner memory reflection, you'll become aware of your age. You'll suddenly become fully conscience of the amount of time that has passed since those younger promises. You'll possibly feel a small knot in your stomach. Or, maybe, you'll just smile and laugh at what you thought was just a stupid childish dream and hope. But you know what? It wasn't stupid, it wasn't childish. It was a dream. The whole world is built on dreams and hopes and wishes. Some more extravagant and outrageous than others, but the few that aren't. Those dreams, THOSE hopes and wishes, THOSE PEOPLE are the ones that go down in history as visionaries. As entrepreneurs who re focused society to grow in a different direction. Those are the people who didn't give up in adversity. They didn't quit believing in themselves. They just did it because they wanted to. Because they knew that they could. Someday... a child... your child, a friend's kid... doesn't matter; that kid will say he wants to build _____ or go _____ or learn _____. Then years later, when you run into that kid, or parent of the kid, in the supermarket, that dream comes up. And you'll remember.
I might be 29 years old, almost 30, which to some is half dead. But I don't see that. I'm excited. I'm sure I could have done things completely different growing up. I could go down a whole list of the do's and don'ts in my life. But why bother? All of those things made me who I am today. And I'm excited. I'm ecstatic. I've realized just how much there is in life that I haven't taken advantage of. I've got such a peace of mind, and such a steady and calm soul that I feel like I can do anything. And it's this feeling that has always been there inside. I've never completely given up. Not on anything. I know that I will accomplish my goals, and my dreams. My optimism might be annoying to some, but I don't care. I will continue on with my smiles and laughs and only enjoy life more. So that when someone looks at me in a picture, a video or in person, they will see what they are missing and join in!

I think that every so often you just need to buy a toy for yourself. Go to toys r us, target, walmart. And just buy yourself a toy. Nerf gun, barbie, legos, a doll house, whatever it is. But don't just buy it and then leave it in the car. Buy it, pay for it, open it up on the way to the car. Play with it. The innocence that was lost as a child can be regained again. It's that carefree fun spirit that everyone should have. Step out of the box! Step out of your comfort zone.

I sound like a weird philosopher. But sometimes when I get into a subject that I enjoy thinking about, I could type for days.





Sidenote: Yes, I edited this blog. Why? Because I felt that the true general point I was trying to make was being taken wrong. It wasn't my intention of singling out any one individual, but more trying to write and speak in generalities. It's from my own personal experience with numerous people. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused. Now on with your regularly scheduled program.

Ah... Smell that? that's the smell of clear mind...

Oh ya. It has a smell. You might not smell it right now, but someday. Someday my good man, you'll smell the smell of a clear mind, body and soul. I must admit, of all the years I've had in my life, the last... let's say 3.2 years have been pretty extreme in their own individual ways. And I would say last year, might have been the worst of them all. But you know what? I'm not going to. I'm going to say this instead. Last year was the best year ever.

DISCLAIMER: I currently have two blogs. One for public use, and one for personal use. I've just recently decided that there really isn't much point to be hiding much of my thoughts, and since I'm feeling like my ol' self again, anything I've ever said about someone behind them, I'd gladly say to their face. And I'd expect the same courtesy. So with that said, the following will probably be quite blunt and forward. I apologize in advance for any feelings that might get hurt, sorry you are so sensitive.

So ya, last year, no sarcasm, was the best. Why? Why do you ask could it possibly have been awesome? Sure, my grandfather died. A woman I thought might have loved me lied and manipulated me to an incredible extent and tore every shred of my own self confidence to confetti. And then another nameless individual added an additional 1% to that equation. Sure... there was a fire at my apartment complex. But... you know... It was a great year. I have become so much stronger in the last couple of months. I've realized that self loathing and self pity are pathetic. I've learned that the only person who holds you back is yourself.

I'm in a great place now. The events that had happened in the last 3 to 4 months of last year had a more of an effect on me that most people know. I finally got tired of holding on to the hope of someone coming back. I realized that they never will and never had the intentions of doing so. Which I suppose in reality is a great thing. Because in all honesty, it really does take TWO people to have love. A one sided relationship is like a table with only 2 legs on diagonal opposites. Sure it'll stand for a minute, but you put anything on it, the balancing act is over and it comes falling down pretty hard.

I've found myself again. I'm happy. I found my own happiness. My own carefree attitude. I'm very excited. Today was my birthday. I got calls, texts, myspace messages, facebook messages. It was a great feeling to have so many people say Happy Birthday. I mean, who am I? I'm just some guy who loves making people smile. There's some people that said Happy Birthday that I didn't expect would, and there's a one or two that I thought would. But once again, that's the good news. Being that they didn't say happy new year, or happy birthday, only makes the process of forgetting an existence that much easier.

I don't have much else to say on this blog, but I have ideas for the next one. So I'll wrap this one up and say...
YAY FOR 2009! New Year, New Opportunities, and New Smiles. Whoo Hoo!