Letting my brain wander...

Metaphorically speaking, I tend to speak in sub contexts with made up words. That was fact, not a metaphor. My brain is a giant playground for Imagination. Imagination and Creativity moved in and built a life in my brain. Then Random moved in and they had a party. I can only speak as fast as you can hear. But I can think twice that speed. I'm aware of the happenings before it happened, but always eluded by your presence. If I was time, I would stop walking and start running. I'd buy a sports car to run marathons with. I never claimed to have made sense, only change. The free spirited world that had evaded my conscience has slowly crept back in begging for forgiveness when it ran away in the first place. My brain wanders without a leash and I always end up losing it down some random ally or lane. But in the end there is no end. The energy still flows, as does the spice. Life goes on no matter what happens and there are no brakes on the roller coaster. It's a constant "hands in the air like you just don't care" parade. I wanta be the ring leader in a one man circus. I want to run the tight rope and tame the clowns. Randomosity. I could dive down further into the rabbit hole. I'm looking into the abyss now and wow there's a lot of fun places to go. "Jump Jump Jump Jump" Do I even question how to get back from sanity? I'd rather be inside sane that outside of it. Aren't people that are "in"sane more likely to be more sane that the ones that aren't? Fun questions for a fun a atmosphere. I can create my own world and fix my own problems. My world is fun, and I've made it where ever I go. It can not be destroyed as I am the only one who holds red button in the palm of his hand. I have the ransom held and the money to be given. Are these ravings of a crazy individual you ask? No. These are writings of a person who has been exploring the interworkings of his brain only to come across the black box from an airplane crash and discover what was missing. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Seriously? When was the last time you ran around your house like an airplane? I did it, 5 minutes ago.

Teeth Thinks A Jimmy Wont

Ya, the title is an anagram for my full name. Anagram: Rearrange the letters to make new words. No, I'm not that bored to sit and rearrange my name for that, but there's a website for it. And here's some fun facts I discovered...

My full name has these words:

Annoy, Annoys, Awesome, Antsy, anytime, Eminent, enemy, Enjoy, Enjoyment, Ha, Hah, Hammy, Hansom, Hats, Heart, Hi, Homie, Honest, Honesty, Honkie, Horny, Hot, Hottest, Hyenas,Imitate, Immense, Imminent, Insane, Insanity, Intense, Intensity, Intimate, Intimates, Joke, Jokes, Jokey, Jokiest, Joy, Joys, Majesty, Mask, Mate, Mayhem, Mean, Moan, Moment, Moist, Money, Monkey, Monkeyshine, Myth, Nasty, Neat, Ninja, Noisy, Nonwhite, Onetime, Sanity, Shit, Showman, Showmen, Sneaky, Snot, Steamy, Stinky, Tank, Tease, Ten, Thanks, Thinks, Tits, Toys, Wham, Wienie, Win, Yank, Yo.


Bored? Yes. These are just a few of the over 1000 words that my name makes. These ones are funny to me. It's kind of a fun little game to see what words are in your name that might describe you, or better still, just are funny words. Uh, ya... that's all. I thought it was funny.

Writing my ideas for a friend...

A friend of mine recently asked me to write about, and I'll quote them on this...
"... write something about clocks and how it relates in our lives. i want something like... running out of time, we wanna stop it but it wont, turn back the hands of time, and what would you feel if you know something is coming and clock is ticking so fast and youre running out of time..."

So I thought about it. And really, the only thought I have ever had in regards to time is that time is always against you. Okay. Maybe Always was a little harsh. 99% of the time, time is against you. Time is just waiting, but you have numbers to count while you wait. You wait for everything. You wait to be born. You wait to grow up. You wait to start school. You wait to finish school. You wait to finish college. You wait for the right job. You wait for the right person. You wait for the right house. You wait for your kids. Ultimately you wait to die. Morbid and depressing, I know. Not the way I wanted to go with this at all. But it's the truth is it not?
Two things almost always accompany "Time"; impatience and the "what if's". Everyone is impatient. At some point in your life you couldn't wait to open a present, to see a person, to get away, to go somewhere new. Life is just too exciting to not be impatient. Impatience is a great thing. It's what keeps us alive and wanting more. Sure, many people pray for patience, or would like to be more patient. That's all good and fine in its own place. As for me, in the past, I've gotten way too excited about giving a gift to a girlfriend. I just couldn't wait any longer and would end up giving the gift early. Or, due to my lack of impatience and my own child-like excitement, I would drop way too many hints and they would figure it out. My lack of patience at that moment is completely okay with me. I digress. My point is, that sometimes having a lack of patience, and not wanting to wait for time to catch up to you, ie making your OWN time, is perfect.
In regards to the "what if's"? I've tried my whole life (which isn't that long actually) to not think about those. That's a never ending road with many many shortcuts and hidden trails.
I would like to think of myself as a positive person. I'd like to think that nothing bad is actually going to happen to me or anyone I know. It's an arogant ignorance I'm willing to admit to, but it makes life more pleasant. If I spent my free time thinking about bad things to happen, I'd miss out on some of the most awesome things life has to offer. I'd start to exert this negative energy around me and cause people to stray away. Not good. I've always found it pointless to think about negatives. Why waste that time? I'm too busy being impatient for the next trip, or the next visit with a friend, or my birthday or thanksgiving, or anything like that.

I think wanting to stop time, or rewind it could lead to regret. Another pointless thing. Everything happens because it does. Choices made, mistakes happened, you move on and learn from them. Enjoy the tiny moments you have with that special someone. Enjoy every moment of it. The arguements and the laughter. Days, weeks, months, or maybe even years later, you'll look back and probably even laugh at that one arguement and smile. Time has to move forward, and people have to move with it.
Ferris Bueller once said "Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." So like I said. Go with the flow and treasure those small moments you had with someone, or that random encounter, or that random joke that made you at the very least smile. Time is the most precious commodity. I regret nothing.
"I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer." Colette (1873 - 1954)

To think that something bad is coming your way and you can't stop time or prevent it from happening leads into the realm of being psychic or foretelling the future. Now I could post a list of examples in my life where I've had things like that happen to me. For those of you who truly know me, you know that those random dates, or times, or time frames that pop into my head, always come true. (I really need to stop using always). If you allow yourself to be taken over by some forboding that could happen in the future, you've already brought it to the present. Don't worry about what's to come, just enjoy what's going on now.
I think I've made my point very clear about 5 times now. Just live. Smile. Laugh. Treasure what you had and what you will have.
My cup is more than half full.... the ice melted.


* seriously... I always use always wrong. I always want to use always in a more finite place then always. I really should stop using that stupid word. It's never always. Never. Maybe somtimes its occasionally possibly in the most-likely used properly, maybe. But i never should use always, or never. ever.

3am... whoo hoo. 21 hours awake.

Something personal....

The following is from my own personal private blog. I'm not sure why I'm doing this, but I know that this posting (in its whole unedited form) needs to be posted. It's just something I felt that everyone should know. And on top of that, I'm not supposed to make an announcement about it on myspace or facebook. Again, not sure why...

"Sometimes I find myself lurking around...
And sometimes I wish I wasn't. I know it's not wrong to every so often check on the woman you once loved and make sure she is doing alright. But I do know that it's wrong to wish for the old times back. We've both grown and gone our own ways now. I've realized today just how much I've changed. Standing there, playing pool with an old friend whom I haven't seen in years. It was odd. Maybe I've been by myself too long. Maybe I've been getting into a routine. Maybe I just don't want to be around people that much at this point. But standing there, watching time move so slowly around him, and witnessing time... just... tick. It was odd. I could feel the changes that had happened. Not a rushing sense of wonder, but a gradual awareness of my own personal evolution. And it wasn't the kind of evolution that is exaggerated in fairy tales and fantasy. No. This was a kind that made me realize just who I've become and what I've lost in the process. It was almost depressing. There was a slight feeling of loss as to the thought of what had happened. Of course, this was all in the instance of an eye blink. But to me, it happened much longer than that. My friend was still pulling the cue stick back a milimeter at a time. And I, I was just sitting there, watching, remembering, realizing the differences that had occured. I had actually become an adult. I still have no idea exactly when it happened. I can recall all the events and people that had caused... no, wait... effected this outcome. Nobody caused it. It was a case of survival. My own human instinct took over and my personality, my very soul, changed to allow me to survive the various crisises that had occured to me. I'm thankful for it of course. But once again, I had seen deep into myself at that moment. My friend has finished lining up the shot is now moving forward with a slow momentum towards the cue ball. Something clicked. I was fully aware now. Finally, after so many months of heavy fog, i can start to see again. But now what? Sure this may all sound over dramatized, and over exaggerated, but I'm only trying to paint a picture of what I truly felt. It was not quite eurphoric, but i nice feeling of calmness. It was a complete contradictory to itself. So I had to ask myself. Now what? Am I happy with this person that I've become? Can I be more? Can I improve? Can I gain back what I've lost and loved most... my free spirted insanity? *shrugs* Sure, why not? Anything is possible still right? Weeks of solidarity has led me to this thought process. I'm thankful for it. I'm excited for knowing it and anxious to see what's next. It's inspiring and all thought consuming. How can I mix the best of everything into one? If there's one thing I realized before the cue ball was hit, it was that there is always a time and place for responsiblity and there is always time for fun and laughter. I think I've finally learned. Time is my weakness, it causes me to be impatient.
*insert my big goofy grin here*"

Good, Bad, Fun, Bad, Good, Fun, Awesome, and something else

Lots going here people. I would say I would keep it brief, but I'm pretty sure if you are reading this you know that I have a tendency to either be redundant, or repeat myself a lot... um... i mean... I give a lot of details and repeat myself a lot. You get it. So on with the news.
For starters, to answer everyone's questions: I'm not working right now. My work contract for the last project ended back in July. Afterwards I went to San Diego and New York (payed for by money I had already saved for the trips months prior).

What am I going to do now?
Well, that brings me to more news. Since I've not been working, I've been cleaning the apartment and showing it off to a few people for a new roommate all during the month of August. Martin moved out in the middle of the month (not on bad terms, just a good decision on his part). I stayed because I wanted to stay. I filed for unemployment, but due to the governments lack of speed, PLUS the problem of finding a roommate to move in for September, I will no longer be living in my current residence as of the 28th of September. I know, it sucks, I liked this place a lot, had some fun here we did. But times are changing, and things have to happen for a reason.
Where will I live?
I'm moving back into my parents house. Not so bad, I mean, I was originally really bummed out about it. But it is what it is and I love my parents and get along with them. It'll help me save money, help my parents out a bit in the process too. So it's a win win situation I suppose. But I'm not gonna be out of here for a couple of weeks, in the mean time, I'm just sitting at home, using the pool, pool tables and gym as much as possible. And enjoying the quiet time I have.
As for future plans:
If contract work comes up and is offered to me, I might take it... I'll probably take it. But I would like to take this time to pursue my dream of acting. Finally get my teeth fixed... no more snaggle tooth and crooked teeth. And pay off a couple of bills too if I can. I'll get some head shots and maybe take a class or do some theatre work too. Who knows, but I like the freedom and the paychecks, god willing they come regularly, will keep me well funded for any endeavor I choose.
Because of that, I'm feeling more and more like my old self. Free spirited and fun. It's been awhile and I've had some stress lately, but it's nice to relax and do what I want for a change. I live for fun and that's all I ever want to do. Have fun.

So ya, that's what's going on.
My labor day weekend turned out pretty awesome. I had some friends come over Sunday and we hung out, pool, billiards and some loud game playing... George sucks at James Bond Golden Eye on the N64 (oh yes, I went old school... (I just said N64 is old school, does that mean the original Nintendo is Ancient? good god I'm old))
And on Labor Day itself I had the great fun of being able to see Kristen and Katie, a couple of the raddest chicks I know (there's others who are just as rad, they know who they are so don't get butt hurt.. ;) ) But I got to have some social time with people I didn't know, do some bowling... I got a 144!! Unbelievable. I got a picture on my phone. I'd put it up, but I'd rather show you in person so you will believe me. But ya... a 144 in bowling. And that was after I bowled a 54. Pretty awesome I know. Then it was off to do some Karaoke. Where I did a great rendition of Rainbow Connection for Kristen using my oh so famous Kermit the Frog voice. Oh ya, I did it in a bowling alley bar. *shrugs* I'm cool like that, hahaha. And then I tried singing Moondance by Michel Buble... but I started laughing pretty hard when Katie did something to distract me in the audience. Oh good times. So now it's 2:10am and I should sleep. Hope everyone else's weekend was just as awesome.
Thanks to everyone who could join me and share some good times and laughter.